The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014

#bar #show #prevalence #obesity #boys #girls #years #ethnicity #states

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The bar charts above illustrate the amounts of boys and

girls

Use synonyms

aged 12 to 19 years with

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apply

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obesity by their ethnicity in the years 2004 and 2014.

Overall

Linking Words

, the charts prove that the number of a child with obesity

was

Verb problem

has

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increased over the years. The overweighted

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non-hispanic

Correct your spelling

non-Hispanic

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white

girls

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in 2004 are the lowest in comparison to others,

while

Linking Words

non-hispanic

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black

girls

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in 2014 are the highest. In the terms of

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

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boys, the highest position

Wrong verb form

was

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held by

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Hispanics

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hispanics

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Hispanics

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in 2014 at 27 per

cent

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, followed

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show examples

with

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show examples

Use synonyms

non-hispanic

Correct your spelling

non-Hispanic

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black

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blacks

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at 20 per

cent

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, and

lastly

Linking Words

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non-hispanic

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non-Hispanic

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white

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whites

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at 17 per

cent

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Linking Words

While in

Correct word choice

show examples

the year 2004, the

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Hispanics

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hispanics

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Hispanics

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remains

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remain

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the same, followed by

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non-hispanic

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non-Hispanic

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white

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whites

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at 12 per

cent

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, and

finally

Linking Words

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non-hispanic

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non-Hispanic

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black

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blacks

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at 11 per

cent

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. On the other side, the highest population of

girls

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with obesity was held by

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Use synonyms

non-hispanic

Correct your spelling

non-Hispanic

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black

Fix the agreement mistake

blacks

show examples

in 2014 at 29 per

cent

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, followed by

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Change the capitalization

Hispanics

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hispanics

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Hispanics

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at 17 per

cent

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then

Linking Words

back to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Use synonyms

non-hispanic

Correct your spelling

non-Hispanic

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black

Fix the agreement mistake

blacks

show examples

in 2004 at 16 per

cent

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. The three lowest are held by

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non-hispanic

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non-Hispanic

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white and

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Hispanic

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hispanic

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Hispanic

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in 2004 at 14 per

cent

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and 12 per

cent

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then

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followed by

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non-hispanic

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non-Hispanic

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white being the least at 9 per

cent

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in 2004.

Submitted by iigness05 on Mon Jan 13 2025

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

▼

Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words girls, non-hispanic, cent with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

▼

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
35
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

206 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

prevalence
obesity
ethnicity
impact
bar charts
data
represent
studying
rates
significant
differences
highest
lowest
compare
trend
experienced
changes
over 10-year period
highlight
variations
notable
summarize
findings
implications
adolescents
addressing

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The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014

Nowadays employment options are changing and employees cannot rely on having the same job and working conditions throughout their life. What are some possible causes? Suggest some ways to plan for the future under these circumstances.

Some people think that wild animals should not be kept in zoos. Athers believes that there are good reasons for having zoos. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In the past, people lived in one place for a long time , but now they can live in many different places what are the reasons ? Is this positive or negative development ?

Nowadays, some parents pressure their children to be successful in a specific field. What are the reasons for this? Is it negative or positive?

The number of advertisements for charities on television and the internet seems to be increasing. What is causing this ? Is this a positive or negative development ? Give reasons for your answer & include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.