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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some university students work in companies for a short period of time during their years of studies. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages in this experience?

#university #students #work #companies #period #time #years #studies
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Nowadays, many undergraduate and graduate
students
Use synonyms
 will accumulate their work experience, like a summer or off-cycle internship, when pursuing an academic degree. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks of
this
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 behaviour and explain why I think it is better to do so. First of all, gaining related practical experience in their subjects as early as possible allows
students
Use synonyms
 to be well-prepared before entering the job market. Straightforwardly, we are not able to identify whether the knowledge acquired from school is useful without applying it in reality.
Secondly
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, it provides opportunities for
students
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 to explore themselves. If only mastering the lecture materials,
students
Use synonyms
 might still be hesitant about the selection of their future jobs.
For instance
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, not until I worked as an investment banking summer intern
last
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 year did I realise it was not a suitable job for me.
On the other hand
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, studying along working in corporations consume a great amount of time and energy. Even for youngsters,
this
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 overwhelming lifestyle can be detrimental to one's physical and mental health.
Additionally
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, it might be more meaningful to spend time making friends in school rather than working, as friends typically bring happiness to us.
As a result
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, I prefer to focus on my schoolwork and work only when I graduate from university. In conclusion, despite the fact that having working experience as a student has numerous positive effects, I still believe that the disadvantages outweigh them because keeping a healthy body is always my first priority.
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task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. While you provided a personal example, adding more diverse scenarios can enhance your essay's relevance and depth.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next with appropriate linking words or phrases. This can enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages, which is important for a comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, main body, and conclusion, which makes your arguments easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
The main points in each paragraph are generally well-supported, contributing to a cohesive argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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