Over consuming sugar is unhealthy. Some people think that governments should take responsibility to control it. Others think that individuals should take responsibility of sugar intake. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, people can reach a variety of fast food alternatives that are
labor-saving
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labour-saving
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because contemporary society does not have enough time to cook at home
due to
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the constant hustle and bustle it is accustomed to. Unfortunately, most of
this
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food is an extreme source of sugar that affects people’s health. In
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context,
while
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a part of society believes that the government should take action to decline sugar consumption, others assume that everyone has to be self-disciplined to stop ingesting
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nutrient. In my opinion, I concur with the notion that every individual should try to avoid eating sweeteners to improve their health status. In
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essay, I will share arguments to explain both notions and give my opinion. The state administration is vital in creating strategies to minimize illnesses related to glucose overconsumption,
such
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as diabetes, which increases the risk of mortality;
as a result
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, the government has to distribute funds to attack
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issue.
For
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this
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reason, the authority must introduce to society a variety of politics that educate the population on nutrition topics. Despite every effort to teach the population, if it is never aware of
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problem, it won't improve. On
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account, human beings have the inner power to change and break out of harmful eating habits that put them at risk of acquiring many diseases. I assume that
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action takes responsibility since everybody should value his life. In conclusion, both subjects must make an essential effort to mitigate dextrose ingestion, but only if each person becomes aware of
this
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, will the population improve.
Submitted by oscarsanmo on

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task achievement
Improve example specificity to strengthen argumentation. Incorporate specific instances or data that illustrate the dangers of sugar consumption.
coherence cohesion
Continue enhancing the logical flow by using transitional words and phrases more frequently and effectively to guide the reader through your arguments.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear and effective introduction and conclusion, setting up the topic well and summarizing the main points coherently.
task achievement
The essay consistently maintains focus on the topic of sugar consumption and the roles of government and individuals.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • over-consuming
  • unhealthy
  • government responsibility
  • control
  • sugar intake
  • taxes on sugary products
  • regulations
  • advertising
  • public health campaigns
  • associated risks
  • personal responsibility
  • self-discipline
  • dietary habits
  • advocating
  • nutrition information
  • empowers
  • informed choices
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