IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #percentage #adult #smokers #seven #countries #world #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart above illustrates data from seven countries
along with
Linking Words
 the world average of adult male smokers in the years 2000 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest percentage of male smokers was held by the Armenians in 2000 at approximately 67 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the lowest number of non-female smokers were detained in 2015 by those who live in Australia at 17 per
cent
Use synonyms
. In terms of the year 2000, the second lowest goes to Lebanon at 34 per
cent
Use synonyms
. Followed by the Egyptians at 36 per
cent
Use synonyms
, and the Mexicans at 37 per
cent
Use synonyms
. The highest three numbers were held by Armenia, Bangladesh, and Cuba at 68 per
cent
Use synonyms
, 62 per
cent
Use synonyms
, and 52 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the world average held the middle ground at 42 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in 2015, the two highest have decreased to both 52 per
cent
Use synonyms
, held by Armenia and Cuba. Continued with, Egypt, Lebanon, and Bangladesh at 49 per
cent
Use synonyms
, 43 per
cent
Use synonyms
, and 39 per
cent
Use synonyms
. The lowest three go to the world average, Mexico, and Australia at 34 per
cent
Use synonyms
, 20 per
cent
Use synonyms
, and 16 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by iigness05 on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 83%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart, percentage, adult male smokers
  • world average, increased, decreased
  • tobacco consumption, lung cancer
  • public health, awareness campaigns
  • government policy, smoking bans
  • health risks, nicotine, tobacco industry
  • chart analysis, data comparison
  • statistical trend, significant fluctuation
  • stagnation, steady rise, moderate fall
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