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Writing Samples
Band 8

A longer prison term as a way of punishing those who break the law is not as good as other method. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#prison #term #law #method
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In
this
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 era of inflation,many people are involved in criminal activities to punish these law offenders longer lockup method is used.
However
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,there are other vital approaches that can be placed
instead
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.I strongly agree that long-term prison is not a good approach.In
this
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 essay, I will discuss how other colossal ways can be used to punish lawbreakers.
To begin
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 with,longer jail terms do not necessarily deter misconduct.
Firstly
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,prisons are given to stop breaches,longer prisons can serve as atrocity schools where minor offenders become hardened gangsters,which defeats the purpose of rehabilitation.
For example
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,in a survey ,it is illustrated that minor criminals when spending time with habitual mafia adopt their ways of offence
as a result
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 become felons.
Thus
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,petty convicts should not be punished for long terms.
Secondly
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,alternative forms of punishment ,
such
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 as community service or probation can be more effective in rehabilitating offenders and integrating them back into society.These measures give them a sense of self-esteem and provoke a positive attitude.
For instance
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,countries like Norway have short lockup sentences yet low breach rates.Educational courses for convicts can reduce recidivism rates better than longer stay in jail.
Therefore
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 ,better education and acceptance in society can reduce the crime rate.
Furthermore
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,focusing on restorative justice approaches,which emphasize making amends to victims and the community can yield a positive outcome than incarceration.
In addition
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, long-term stay is a financial burden on the state, and more capital can be spent on rehabilitation programs.
To sum up
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,it can be concluded that in my opinion,
although
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 longer staying behind bars is necessary for some hardened mobs,following other routes of punishment is good for convicts
as well as
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 for society.
Submitted by atiya on

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enhancement
Your essay presents a clear position and supports it with several arguments. However, using more specific examples can strengthen your points. For example, provide particular programs or rehabilitation success stories when mentioning countries like Norway.
coherence improvement
Your arguments could benefit from clearer transitions between points. Use linking words to better connect ideas into a coherent narrative, making it easier for readers to follow your line of reasoning.
task achievement
You have effectively presented both the limitations of longer prison terms and the benefits of alternative approaches like community service and restorative justice.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly frame your perspective and summarize the key points, which well guide the reader through your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrence
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation
  • hardened criminal
  • probation
  • community service
  • institutionalization
  • preventative measures
  • restorative justice
  • incarceration
  • financial burden
  • psychological impact
  • social reintegration
  • crime rate
  • criminal justice system
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