Some people think governments should take measures to improve the health of its citizens. Others think it must be managed by individuals. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
In today’s rapidly evolving world, the issue of
health
has garnered significant attention. Some individuals Use synonyms
thinks
that it is Change the verb form
think
government’s
responsibility to ensure public Correct article usage
the government’s
health
Use synonyms
whereas
some of them Linking Words
reflect
that it should Verb problem
believe
be control
by Change the verb form
be controlled
community
.
First of all , the reason Correct article usage
the community
of
thinking that it must be done by higher authorities Change preposition
for
because
Add a missing verb
is because
general
public chose them for the welfare of Correct article usage
the general
the
society so without any doubt, they should Correct article usage
apply
emphasis
on Replace the word
emphasise
health
sector. Use synonyms
Moreover
, management Linking Words
also
Linking Words
have
financial resources which other people Change the verb form
has
dont
have so Correct your spelling
don't
state
can provide medical amenities to the citizens. Correct article usage
the state
Along with
Linking Words
this
, they can arrange awareness Linking Words
compaigns
to inform them about trending Correct your spelling
campaigns
campaign
health
issues Use synonyms
such
as coronavirus, Linking Words
pcos
and many more.
Correct your spelling
PCOS
Conversly
, many folks consider it as Correct your spelling
Conversely
liability
of individuals. Add an article
the liability
a liability
Initially
, political bodies are already doing as much as they can like organizing sports programs, free camps, government hospitals and many more. Now, it is Linking Words
upto
the people Correct your spelling
up to
that
they going to use Correct word choice
whether
Linking Words
this facilities
or not. They can cure their diseases by doing some physical activities and yoga which will help them to improve physical Change the determiner
this facility
these facilities
as well as
mental Linking Words
health
. Statistics reveal that 76% of Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
tackle
their diseases just by doing yoga and meditation.
In conclusion, Correct subject-verb agreement
tackles
while
there are valid points on both Linking Words
the
sides, Correct article usage
apply
it is clear that
Linking Words
participation
of both Correct article usage
the participation
government
and Correct article usage
the government
public
can solve Correct article usage
the public
this
issue.Linking Words
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Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance logical flow by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single idea and provides smooth transitions between ideas.
Task Achievement
Strengthen your argument by expanding on the ideas presented. Add more depth and specific examples to illustrate your points.
Task Achievement
Clarify some of your sentences to improve comprehension, especially in the body paragraphs.
Language Accuracy
Proofread for minor grammatical errors and inconsistencies to improve clarity and readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have structured your essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps the reader follow your argument.
Task Achievement
You have discussed both sides of the argument, which covers the requirements of the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and presents a balanced opinion.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?