IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think governments should take measures to improve the health of its citizens. Others think it must be managed by individuals. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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In today’s rapidly evolving world, the issue of
health
Use synonyms
 has garnered significant attention. Some individuals
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that it is
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s
show examples
 responsibility to ensure public
health
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 some of them
reflect
Verb problem
believe
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 that it should
be control
Change the verb form
be controlled
show examples
 by
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
. First of all , the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 thinking that it must be done by higher authorities
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
general
Correct article usage
the general
show examples
 public chose them for the welfare of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society so without any doubt, they should
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasise
show examples
 on
health
Use synonyms
 sector.
Moreover
Linking Words
, management
also
Linking Words
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 financial resources which other people
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 have so
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
 can provide medical amenities to the citizens.
Along with
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, they can arrange awareness
compaigns
Correct your spelling
campaigns
campaign
 to inform them about trending
health
Use synonyms
 issues
such
Linking Words
 as coronavirus,
pcos
Correct your spelling
PCOS
 and many more.
Conversly
Correct your spelling
Conversely
, many folks consider it as
liability
Add an article
the liability
a liability
show examples
 of individuals.
Initially
Linking Words
, political bodies are already doing as much as they can like organizing sports programs, free camps, government hospitals and many more. Now, it is
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 the people
that
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 they going to use
Linking Words
this facilities
Change the determiner
this facility
these facilities
show examples
 or not. They can cure their diseases by doing some physical activities and yoga which will help them to improve physical
as well as
Linking Words
 mental
health
Use synonyms
. Statistics reveal that 76% of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
tackle
Correct subject-verb agreement
tackles
show examples
 their diseases just by doing yoga and meditation. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 there are valid points on both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sides,
it is clear that
Linking Words
participation
Correct article usage
the participation
show examples
 of both
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 can solve
this
Linking Words
 issue.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance logical flow by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single idea and provides smooth transitions between ideas.
Task Achievement
Strengthen your argument by expanding on the ideas presented. Add more depth and specific examples to illustrate your points.
Task Achievement
Clarify some of your sentences to improve comprehension, especially in the body paragraphs.
Language Accuracy
Proofread for minor grammatical errors and inconsistencies to improve clarity and readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have structured your essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps the reader follow your argument.
Task Achievement
You have discussed both sides of the argument, which covers the requirements of the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and presents a balanced opinion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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