IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more importnant environmental problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Researchers these days are grappling with various environmental issues. Some suggest that lacking bio-diversity is the major problem,
whereas
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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others see other challenges
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as climate change as the most contentious topic.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay will discuss both views and provide my own perspective. On one hand, the disappearing bio-diversity could lead to severe impacts
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as an imbalanced ecosystem. Our
eco-system
Correct your spelling
ecosystem

The word eco-system doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 relies heavily on a multitude of species, including plants, animals, organisms and even bacteria, to achieve a balance.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 balance is contributed by a flexible but logically-connected eco-chain, where variations on a single node could bring about unpredictable effects
on
Change preposition
at

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 the end of
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 a long sequence (where humanity stands at). Unfortunately, already an enormous number of species are currently experiencing decreasing,
some
Correct word choice
and some

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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 of them are even facing
extinctions
Fix the agreement mistake
extinction

It seems that extinctions may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. If
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
phenomonon
Correct your spelling
phenomenon

If you don’t want phenomonon to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

is not controlled, the results
is
Change the verb form
are

The singular verb is does not appear to agree with the plural subject results. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 potentially devastating.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, climate change might be the most urgent problem. From the excessive exploitation of fossil fuels to the relentless burning procedures that are generating
massive
Add an article
a massive

The noun phrase massive amount seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts

It seems that amount may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 of energy to support the
incresing
Correct your spelling
increasing

If you don’t want incresing to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

demands from metropolitan residents, all the attached carbon emissions are
excecerbating
Correct your spelling
exacerbating

If you don’t want excecerbating to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

the so-called greenhouse effect. The
concequence
Correct your spelling
consequence

If you don’t want concequence to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 situation is
irreversable
Correct your spelling
irreversible

If you don’t want irreversable to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

without human
interventions
Fix the agreement mistake
intervention

It seems that interventions may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 and is predicted to cause an increase in global temperature by at least 1 degree per year. Despite those long-term effects
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as the rising
sea-levels
Correct your spelling
sea levels

The word sea-levels doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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, some more direct influences
to
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 human activities
are
Verb problem
have

There may be a verb use issue here.

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becoming
Wrong verb form
become

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb becoming. Consider changing it.

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 more controversial recently.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
reseachers
Correct your spelling
researchers

If you don’t want reseachers to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

have already opened up discussions on how to ensure outdoor events in summer, during which the temperature could exceed 40 degrees. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the loss of
particular
Correct article usage
a particular

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 species is indeed an environmental aspect that should not be overlooked, compared to a more urgent problem, climate change, which is posing direct challenges
on
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 human activities, it should not be considered
as
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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a major concern.

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, include more specific examples to illustrate your points, particularly in explaining the effects of biodiversity loss or climate change.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the transition between ideas is smooth to improve coherence, possibly by employing more linking words or phrases.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses both views of the topic and provides a personal opinion, which is very important.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of arguments is commendable, ensuring each paragraph connects well with the main topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the essay’s content and viewpoint.
language use
The use of complex structures such as conditional clauses and passive voice shows a good grasp of English.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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