IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more importnant environmental problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Researchers these days are grappling with various environmental issues. Some suggest that lacking bio-diversity is the major problem,
whereas
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the
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apply
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others see other challenges
such
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 as climate change as the most contentious topic.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and provide my own perspective. On one hand, the disappearing bio-diversity could lead to severe impacts
such
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 as an imbalanced ecosystem. Our
eco-system
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ecosystem
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 relies heavily on a multitude of species, including plants, animals, organisms and even bacteria, to achieve a balance.
This
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 balance is contributed by a flexible but logically-connected eco-chain, where variations on a single node could bring about unpredictable effects
on
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at
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 the end of
such
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 a long sequence (where humanity stands at). Unfortunately, already an enormous number of species are currently experiencing decreasing,
some
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and some
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 of them are even facing
extinctions
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extinction
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. If
this
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phenomonon
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phenomenon
 is not controlled, the results
is
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are
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 potentially devastating.
On the other hand
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, climate change might be the most urgent problem. From the excessive exploitation of fossil fuels to the relentless burning procedures that are generating
massive
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a massive
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amount
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amounts
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 of energy to support the
incresing
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increasing
 demands from metropolitan residents, all the attached carbon emissions are
excecerbating
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exacerbating
 the so-called greenhouse effect. The
concequence
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consequence
 of
this
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 situation is
irreversable
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irreversible
 without human
interventions
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intervention
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 and is predicted to cause an increase in global temperature by at least 1 degree per year. Despite those long-term effects
such
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 as the rising
sea-levels
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sea levels
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, some more direct influences
to
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on
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 human activities
are
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have
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becoming
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become
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 more controversial recently.
For example
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,
reseachers
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researchers
 have already opened up discussions on how to ensure outdoor events in summer, during which the temperature could exceed 40 degrees. In conclusion,
although
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 the loss of
particular
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a particular
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 species is indeed an environmental aspect that should not be overlooked, compared to a more urgent problem, climate change, which is posing direct challenges
on
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to
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 human activities, it should not be considered
as
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apply
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a major concern.

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, include more specific examples to illustrate your points, particularly in explaining the effects of biodiversity loss or climate change.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the transition between ideas is smooth to improve coherence, possibly by employing more linking words or phrases.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses both views of the topic and provides a personal opinion, which is very important.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of arguments is commendable, ensuring each paragraph connects well with the main topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the essay’s content and viewpoint.
language use
The use of complex structures such as conditional clauses and passive voice shows a good grasp of English.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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