Some people believe famous people’s support for international aid organizations draw public attention. Others think celebrities reduce the importance of the problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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While

Linking Words

celebrities's help

for

Change preposition

show examples

international

aid

Use synonyms

organizations is believed can engage public attention, others think the opposite. They argue that it can even decrease the core of the problems. In

this

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essay, I will explain both views and give my perspective

further

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. On the one hand, international

aid

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organizations like UNICEF which focuses on children's

aid

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, need more attention from

people

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This

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problem can be solved by the participation of public figures with

hope

Add an article

the hope

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that their followers can

also

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join them.

For example

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, "Bedah Rumah", is one of the television programs in my country searching for poor

people

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who live in inappropriate houses and helping them rebuild their homes. Their strategy is to use famous

people

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to be the presenters of the program, resulting in many of their followers becoming

donators

Correct your spelling

donors

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On the other hand

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, sometimes their participation may work well, but it is not long-lasting. After the problems have been aided, the targeted

people

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also

Linking Words

need to survive, they need resources for the upcoming days and days after. Meanwhile, many of them do not get it, the help they get from famous

people

Use synonyms

is just enough to cover the start.

For instance

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, influencers

such

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as Cristiano Ronaldo, I remember

him helped

Wrong verb form

helping

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one of my

people

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who suffered from Aceh's Tsunami disaster in 2009. It gets a lot of attention with his participation and helps the victim recover well from the disaster. But, after a long time, I am aware that many

people

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just support him when Ronaldo

also

Linking Words

helps him, and to

this

Linking Words

day,

people

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just know him because he has been helped by Ronaldo. In conclusion, there are many advantages and disadvantages from the celebrity's support for international

aid

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organizations like helping them get money support,

while

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it may be forgotten if not being maintained as well. I believe we should not care about

this

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a lot, any help we can get is invaluable.

dorimaTue Jan 14 2025

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task achievement

Try to provide more balanced arguments for each side before concluding with your opinion. This will strengthen the objectivity of your discussion.

task achievement

Ensure that examples illustrate the main points more directly to improve clarity and relevance.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to paragraph transitions to enhance the flow and coherence between ideas.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

task achievement

The writer provides relevant examples that relate to personal or familiar contexts, aiding in illustrating the points.

task achievement

An effort is made to discuss both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding that complex issues have multiple perspectives.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

316 words

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Some people believe famous people’s support for international aid organizations draw public attention. Others think celebrities reduce the importance of the problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that sleeping is the only method which allows people to get enough relaxation. Others belleve that physical activities such as playing games and exercises also provide enough relaxation. Discuss both views and provide your opinion.

Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Modern culture around the world have become similar when compared to the past. What are the reasons. Is it a positive development or a negative development, in your opinion.