IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

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In recent years, some countries
see
Wrong verb form
have seen
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 a trend of having the average weight of
people
Use synonyms
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
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 and their levels of health and fitness
decreased
Wrong verb form
decrease
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.
This
Linking Words
 issue is
due to
Linking Words
 the change
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 habits, lifestyle and financial conditions. The most obvious factor is
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
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 lifestyle.
This
Linking Words
 is caused by the increased use
technology
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of technology
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, where many
people
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 spend a lot of time sitting at work, in cars or watching TV.
This
Linking Words
 lack of activity leads to weight gain and various health problems.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the high popularity of junk
food
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 which contains a lot of sugar, fat and calories led to unhealthy dietary
choices
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, having fast
food
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 dominating in eating habits. Economic difficulties can significantly impact dietary habits and contribute to weight gain. Poor financial conditions lead to limited access to healthy
food
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such
Linking Words
 as fresh fruits, vegetables and meat, especially it can be seen in low-income areas. So,
such
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 areas with limited access to nutritious
food
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 force
people
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 to rely on cheaper and processed
food
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 that
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 often high in calories, leading to unhealthy dietary
choices
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. To solve these issues governments can develop and promote healthier
food
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choices
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,
introduce
Correct word choice
and introduce
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 taxes on sugary drinks and junk
food
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.
Also
Linking Words
, it would be better to limit unhealthy advertising, especially among children. Community programs that encourage physical activity and educational campaigns on nutrition can help
people
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 to make better
choices
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. In summary, the rise in obesity and health issues are linked to lifestyle, diet, and economic factors.
By addressing
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Addressing
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 these issues through targeted policies and community initiatives can make a healthier future for everyone.

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the main reasons for increased average weight and decreased health levels, it would benefit from more specific examples to strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that connects to the overall argument to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay clearly identifies the main causes of increased average weight and decreased health levels, such as sedentary lifestyle and unhealthy dietary habits.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay includes a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which aids in its logical flow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
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