IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Companies invest millions of dollars in advertising to persuade consumers to buy their products. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages for the consumer? NUR

#companies #millions #dollars #consumers #products #outweigh #consumer #nur
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Nowadays most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
factories
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 their
money
Use synonyms
 in
announcement
Fix the agreement mistake
announcements
show examples
 to convince
people
Use synonyms
 to buy their products. It has
own
Correct pronoun usage
its own
show examples
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 and
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
. If say advantage the owners can earn more
money
Use synonyms
 and about
disadvantage
Add an article
the disadvantage
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 is that
people
Use synonyms
 lose their
money
Use synonyms
. And
Linking Words
this arguments
Change the determiner
this argument
these arguments
show examples
 we will discuss. Bosses of companies or factories will earn more
money
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 than now if we buy everything which they recommend.
People
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interest
Add a missing verb
are interest
show examples
 in the advertisement shown and they will buy but
people
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 are lining the pockets of that campaign manager.
For instance
Linking Words
, a few months before in our society the grapes
which
Correct your spelling
with
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 cold "Shain Muskat"
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 popular among
people
Use synonyms
.
In
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At
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 that time
people
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spend
Wrong verb form
spent
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 their
money
Use synonyms
 to buy
this
Linking Words
 grape, but
this
Linking Words
 grape
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 a little bit
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
 from
original
Correct article usage
the original
show examples
 one it is on
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
size. So
people
Use synonyms
 bought it and
owners
Correct article usage
the owners
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 grape
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
millioner
Correct your spelling
millionaire
.
People
Use synonyms
 lose their
money
Use synonyms
 to try something which
did
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not helpful to us. They buy things which
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 bought to be not poorer than him and
spents
Correct your spelling
spent
spends
spend
 his
money
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
iPhone
Correct article usage
the iPhone
show examples
 is the famous phone in every point of the world. iPhone is the best phone its camera and view
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 brilliant. But
people
Use synonyms
 buy
this
Linking Words
 to not use it
people
Use synonyms
 buy it to not be poorer
from
Change preposition
than
show examples
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our actions
such
Linking Words
 as buying not helpful things which
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not benefit us,
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
show examples
 benefit to its owners. I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 we
shoul
Correct your spelling
should
 spend our
money
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 things.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, clarify your position on whether the advantages of advertising outweigh the disadvantages for consumers. Make sure to answer the question comprehensively and provide specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure by organizing your thoughts into distinct paragraphs with a clear purpose. This includes having a strong introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing and connecting your ideas more thoroughly. Use linking words to ensure smooth flow and transitions between points and paragraphs, making the essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which helps frame the essay and provide closure to the arguments presented.
task achievement
The essay touches on both the advantages and disadvantages of advertising for consumers, indicating an awareness of the need for balance in the discussion.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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