IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #government #tax
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I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 accentuate more ultimate tax on fast
food
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the increasing number of
people
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 suffering from health problems caused by consuming
this
Linking Words
 type of
food
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. Most
people
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 who are obsessed with unhealthy
food
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 cannot overcome their
addiction
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.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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, taking advantage of
this
Linking Words
exaggerate
Correct subject-verb agreement
exaggerates
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 high
taxes
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. My supportive idea is McDonald’s which is loved by fast
food
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 enthusiasts worldwide. By comparing the cost of
food
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 in 2005 and 2025 in my country, there is a sharp increase. If you could buy
big
Correct article usage
a big
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, satisfying menu in 2005, it is impossible to realize it nowadays for
exact
Change the word
exactly
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 the same price. From my point of view, the reason
of
Change preposition
for
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this
Linking Words
 is the unstoppable
addiction
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 to fast
food
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. I completely agree with
given
Correct article usage
the given
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 idea because it is all about business.
People
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 who cannot cook, students living far from their moms' homemade meals or just the
people
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 who absolutely do not care about their health, cannot run from edible, unhealthy
food
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. Their
addiction
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 equals revenue for the restaurants, which have to pay
taxes
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 to the government. The price changes in 10 years
proves
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prove
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 the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 high
taxes
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 in some countries. In conclusion, fast
food
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addiction
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 is a financial benefit for businesses and governments.
Therefore
Linking Words
, imposing higher
taxes
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 on fast
food
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 is a necessary step to address
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Submitted by zeynalli.tarana on

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Task Response
Try to further develop your arguments with more examples or evidence to strengthen your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph supports your central argument clearly and succinctly. Avoid any ambiguity in your statements.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between your sentences and paragraphs, ensuring each part connects smoothly to the next.
Logical Structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that neatly encapsulate the arguments.
Complete Response
The essay expresses a complete response to the task, acknowledging the role of government taxation.
Task Achievement
Provides a clear opinion on the issue, agreeing with the proposed solution.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Overconsumption
  • Chronic diseases
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Cardiovascular health
  • Sin tax
  • Subsidize
  • Affordability
  • Nutritional awareness
  • Paternalism
  • Socio-economic disparities
  • Industry lobbying
  • Public health initiatives
  • Consumer behavior
  • Regulatory measures
  • Health-conscious
  • Processed foods
  • Fiscal policy
  • Preventative healthcare
  • Behavioral economics
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