IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? NN

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development #nn
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
At the moment, people
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have problems with
health
Correct pronoun usage
their health
show examples
grows
Wrong verb form
are growing
show examples
 and they are recovering from illness without visiting their usual
doctor
Use synonyms
. I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is negative to
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 alternative medicines and treatment because there is no
guarantee
Use synonyms
 of what they are using and they
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not know what the end will bring. People
trying
Wrong verb form
try
show examples
 everything
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 way without
doctors
Change noun form
doctors'
doctor's
show examples
 permission and there is no
guarantee
Use synonyms
 of what they are using. They want to
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 from illness but they are reluctant to go to the
doctor
Use synonyms
 and they think they can cure it with the prescribed medications.
For instance
Linking Words
,
you
Correct word choice
if you
show examples
 have
problem
Correct article usage
a problem
show examples
 with your health and
this
Linking Words
 hurts
then
Linking Words
 you drink tablets but it does not end, because
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
initial
Change the word
initially
show examples
 you did not look
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
recipe
Add an article
the recipe
a recipe
show examples
. But if you go to
Use synonyms
doctor
Add an article
the doctor
a doctor
show examples
, they
gave
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 exact and
with
Change preposition
guaranteed
show examples
guarantee
Use synonyms
medicine
Use synonyms
. The people use anything for recovery from illness but they
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not know what the end will bring. It is
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 dangerous to use
medicine
Use synonyms
 without
Correct article usage
a doctors
show examples
doctors
Change noun form
doctors'
doctor's
show examples
 permission, it will bring
to
Rephrase
apply
show examples
bad things.
For instance
Linking Words
,
you
Correct word choice
if you
show examples
 live alone in an apartment and you
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
problem
Add an article
a problem
show examples
 with
health
Correct pronoun usage
your health
show examples
, step by step it hurts,
then
Linking Words
 you use
medicine
Use synonyms
 by yourself. And
then
Linking Words
 if you lose your mind, no one can save you.
That is
Linking Words
 why we should go to
Use synonyms
doctor
Add an article
the doctor
a doctor
show examples
 when we feel bad.
To conclude
Linking Words
, no matter what the situation, if we feel unwell, it is better to see a
doctor
Use synonyms
 than to trust ourselves. I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 doctors can help to
anyone
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 of us and give exact and
Use synonyms
guarantee
Replace the word
guaranteed
show examples
medicine
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that you fully address all parts of the task. Clearly state your viewpoint, and provide balanced arguments with more relevant specific examples to support your opinion.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on connecting your ideas more logically. Use a variety of cohesive devices and clear paragraphs to help guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Enhance clarity by structuring your ideas and arguments into well-developed paragraphs. This will help the reader follow your thought process more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument by clearly stating your position on the use of alternative medicine versus traditional medical care.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which help structure your response.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: