The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extend do you agree?

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The main aim of

studying

Correct article usage

the studying

show examples

process is to brace pupils for today’s life. Educational organizations may get rid of the

music

Use synonyms

and

art

Use synonyms

classes

Use synonyms

in order to make young people concentrate on advantageous

lessons

Use synonyms

for example

Linking Words

, on informational technology.

This

Linking Words

method is one of the most controversial. On the one hand, for young

learners

Add a comma

learners,

show examples

it will be as easy as ABC to learn something new because of their ability to absorb

information

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On the other hand

Linking Words

, they may get tired soon because of the brainstorming on the

lessons

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. Honestly, I am in two minds about

this

Linking Words

issue.

Although

Linking Words

pupils may feel exhausted after

lessons

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if they have only useful

subjects

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, they will develop plenty of skills and gain knowledge that can be used in future life.

To begin

Linking Words

with, children tend to be unfocused most of the time because of their desire to spend time actively. For

this

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purpose, physical education

lessons

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exist;

however

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, after

them

Add a comma

them,

show examples

it is difficult to switch focus to the other

subjects

Use synonyms

Art

Use synonyms

and

music

Use synonyms

lessons

Use synonyms

are aimed at helping youngsters to have a smoother shift from playing games to gaining

information

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

Correct word choice

if a

show examples

child

was

Wrong verb form

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playing volleyball, and his or her level of adrenaline and oxytocin has

raised

Verb problem

risen

show examples

then

Linking Words

it becomes hard for the pupil to calm down and concentrate on the

subjects

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. After PE

lessons

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, he has

art

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music

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class, and

then

Linking Words

it is easier to relax and absorb

information

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more efficiently.

However

Linking Words

, these

classes

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prevent learners from having more useful

subjects

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for example

Linking Words

, more practical ones. The young generation is surrounded by various gadgets and technologies;

that is

Linking Words

why they have to learn how to protect themselves from different crimes and dangers on the Internet.

For instance

Linking Words

, a pupil may want to buy something online and come across

frauds

Fix the agreement mistake

fraud

show examples

Such

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lessons

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information

Use synonyms

technology that can be replaced with

art

Use synonyms

and

music

Use synonyms

classes

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may help them avoid these dangerous situations and be safe.

To conclude

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, in my opinion, pupils should not be left without

art

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and

music

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classes

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Moreover

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, to tackle

this

Linking Words

problem, the study plan should cut out the number of themes youngsters have to learn. By doing

this

Linking Words

, these teachers may implement new

subjects

Use synonyms

contributing to practical skills and

leave

Wrong verb form

leaving

show examples

creative

subjects

Use synonyms

unchanged.

khotkina.maTue Jan 14 2025

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task response

While your essay does a good job of discussing both sides of the argument, try to provide a more balanced conclusion that clearly states your personal viewpoint and justifies it with reasons drawn from your previous points.

task response

Consider incorporating more specific examples to support your argument. This will give your essay a stronger basis and help convey your points more convincingly.

coherence cohesion

Revisit some of the transition phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs and ideas. This will help increase the clarity of the connections between your main points.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction sets the stage well for the discussion that follows and provides a clear view of the issues to be discussed.

coherence cohesion

You provided a strong range of vocabulary and variety in sentence structures, which makes the essay engaging to read.

task response

The arguments are well-developed with a balanced perspective, considering both the importance of art/music and practical subjects.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

374 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

holistic development
cognitive abilities
cultural education
globally connected world
problem-solving skills
critical thinking
well-rounded education
self-expression
mental health impacts
digital art
music production
technology-driven careers
academic performance
intellectual growth
emotional development
creative subjects
enrich creativity
foster a sense of achievement
stress relief

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The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extend do you agree?

In many countries, people now wear western clothes (suits, jeans) rather than the traditional clothing. Why? (Reasons and relevant examples) Is this a positive or negative development?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Too much emphasis is given for eduation of the young. More government money should be spent free time activity of young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion.