The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved?
There
is
a number of critical problems the modern world faces these days. The most Correct subject-verb agreement
are
urging
one can be the issue of obesity. The more and more increasing Replace the word
urgent
statisctics
show that Correct your spelling
statistics
the
overweight Correct article usage
apply
people
are on the verge of having serious health problems. Alarmingly, some of them can be incurable. Use synonyms
Thus
, Linking Words
this
essay primarily focuses on the causes Linking Words
for
the growth in Change preposition
of
people
affected by obesity in society and the possible Use synonyms
soulitions
to the existing problem.
First and foremost, the root of the problem may be a lack of physical activity. To be more precise, there is a surplus of jobs that demand sitting on Correct your spelling
solutions
the
chair in front of the screen for the whole day. In the Correct article usage
a
past
there was not Add a comma
past,
such
an abundance of sitting job positions. Linking Words
This
circumstance leads to Linking Words
passive
lifestyle being predominant. To exemplify, Correct article usage
a passive
such
Linking Words
works
as Replace the word
workers
bank
Add an article
a bank
clerk
, Fix the agreement mistake
clerks
accountant
, programmist, etc. do not encourage frequent physical activity.
Having discussed the former issue, it is time to move on to the next one. An abundance of junk Fix the agreement mistake
accountants
food
and Use synonyms
fast-
Correct your spelling
fast food
food
can be another cause of the growth in overweight Use synonyms
people
. Taking the evolution of Use synonyms
people
into account, it should be mentioned that only 100 years ago or so the majority of Use synonyms
people
were nourishing themselves with Use synonyms
food
containing predominantly less oil or fat. Use synonyms
Besides
, individuals of that time consumed less Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
due to
their dependence on the harvest season. Linking Words
Therefore
, Linking Words
this
comparably quick change in diet Linking Words
had
depressed our digestion system, since it did not have time to adapt to new Unnecessary verb
apply
type
of Fix the agreement mistake
types
food
and Use synonyms
amount
of it. Correct article usage
the amount
As a result
, Linking Words
such
representatives of Linking Words
junk-
Correct your spelling
junk food
food
as chips, sugary drinks and sweets and all the components of Use synonyms
fast-
Correct your spelling
fast food
food
(Use synonyms
burger
, French fries, Fix the agreement mistake
burgers
hot-dog
and so on) damage our health and our bodies.
The first problem can be solved Correct your spelling
hot dog
with
implementing Change preposition
by
programme
aimed at fostering physical activity during Add an article
a programme
working-hours
. More exactly, dedicating 15-30 minute intervals to physical exercises every 2 hours might help Correct your spelling
working hours
people
to reduce excessive weight step by step and to feel better. As for the second matter, the possible solution for it can be Use synonyms
well-balanced
diet that encompasses more vegetables and fewer snacks and other Add an article
a well-balanced
the well-balanced
junk-
Correct your spelling
junk food
food
.
Use synonyms
To conclude
, overweight Linking Words
people
are indeed at risk of serious health problems. Despite Use synonyms
it
, the situation can be rectified if they Correct pronoun usage
this
will
change their lifestyle drastically by moving more and consuming less unhealthy Verb problem
apply
food
.Use synonyms
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Coherence and Cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas. While the essay has a logical structure, clearer transitions and connections between points can enhance coherence and cohesion.
Task Achievement
Integrate more specific examples or data to support your main points. Providing more detailed evidence can strengthen task achievement.
Language Accuracy
Proofread for minor grammatical errors and typos. Correcting small mistakes will improve clarity and readability.
Introduction and Conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, successfully framing the discussion and summarizing the main points.
Supported Main Points
The main points are supported with logical explanations, addressing reasons for obesity and potential solutions.
Complete Response
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt by identifying more than one cause and suggesting feasible solutions.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.