IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some individuals prefer temporary employment, which allows them to work only a few months each year and dedicate the remaining time to pursuing their interests. What is your opinion?

#individuals #employment #work #months #year #time #interests
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In recent years, some people
prefer
Wrong verb form
have preferred
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a
Remove the article
apply
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short-term employment to
work
Use synonyms
 less and spend more time on their hobbies or interests.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are people who want to
work
Use synonyms
 in a stable environment. In my opinion, I'd like to
work
Use synonyms
 in a stable workplace for two reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, if you
work
Use synonyms
 for a short-term employment, it might give you more diversity in your experiences. But it wouldn'
t
Use synonyms
 make deep understanding in your field. Temporary
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
show examples
 means you don'
t
Use synonyms
 have enough time to absorb the knowledge. From my experiences, I used to
a
Add a missing verb
do a
show examples
lot of things all at once. I studied History, Musical instruments and Science, etc.
This
Linking Words
made
Verb problem
gave
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 me various experiences but I couldn'
t
Use synonyms
 make them precisely or accurately. And
secondly
Linking Words
, you can still pursue your personal interests
while
Linking Words
 you
work
Use synonyms
. There are thousands of jobs out here. If you want to make your own fashion brand, you can
work
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 fashion industry and look for some
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
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 or tips for your future business. Of
course
Add a comma
course,
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 you can focus more on your interests when you don'
t
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
. But there's a huge gap between professional advice and personal research. Once, I had to
work
Use synonyms
 on a presentation and I did some research for it, but I couldn'
t
Use synonyms
 find any information about it. So, I called my father, who is in
insurance
Add an article
the insurance
show examples
 field for some data about the subject. Thanks to that, I could finish my report. To summarise, working in a
short-term
Correct your spelling
short term
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 isn'
t
Use synonyms
 good in my opinion for two reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, you can find what you want to do
while
Linking Words
 you
work
Use synonyms
 and
moreover
Linking Words
, you can get information from current workers. And
secondly
Linking Words
, you can'
t
Use synonyms
 get deeper
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 when you
work
Use synonyms
 temporarily.
Submitted by ihjung2000 on

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introduction conclusion present
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supported main points
Develop each main point thoroughly and provide clear, relevant examples to support your argument fully.
logical structure
It's crucial to have a logical structure and flow in your essay to enhance coherence and cohesion, which includes proper paragraph divisions and use of linking words.
complete response
The essay addresses the task and covers both perspectives, showcasing an ability to understand various viewpoints.
relevant specific examples
The essay includes personal examples which add a personal touch and support your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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