IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more importnant environmental problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals #importnant
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Oppinions
Correct your spelling
Opinions
differ regarding whether
ot
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or
 not the the extinction of particular species of
plants
Use synonyms
 and
animals
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 important
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
 in the current generation.
While
Linking Words
 critics insist that more urgent
problems
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 existed in recent years, I personally completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 assertion because the
exitinction
Correct your spelling
extinction
 of
plants
Use synonyms
 and
animals
Use synonyms
 has a large impact on humans. On the one hand, there is a reason why air pollution is a more important
problem
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 leads to several environmental issues
such
Linking Words
 as global warming and climate change because the main culprit of environmental
problems
Use synonyms
 is air pollution. To explain, by using fossil fuels like oil, gas and coal, carbon dioxide has been
exited
Verb problem
emitted
show examples
in
Change preposition
into
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air
Correct article usage
the air
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, which
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 increased the planet's
temporature
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temperature
 and
therefore
Linking Words
 they would be exacerbated
global
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by global
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 warming.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
problem
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is happened
Change to the active voice
happens
has happened
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 climate change
such
Linking Words
 as
earthquak
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earthquake
earthquakes
, 쓰나미 and 폭우, which would
caused
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cause
be caused
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humans'
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humans
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 damage.(인명피해)
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I
strognly
Correct your spelling
strongly
 believe that the loss of particular species of
animals
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 is
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 urgent
problem
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nowasdays
Correct your spelling
nowadays
. First and foremost, it is unlikely that medical development grow continuously
due to
Linking Words
 the loss of them.
For example
Linking Words
, if
animals
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 that we can experiment
for
Change preposition
with for
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 medical treatment are
extincted
Correct your spelling
extinct
, not only do objects that we study for
medical
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the medical
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 field disappear but
scietists
Correct your spelling
scientists
also
Linking Words
 produce the treatment, which means that people might suffer from a large number of diseases.
For instance
Linking Words
, not only do humans suffer from
COVID19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
 but they
also
Linking Words
died
Wrong verb form
die
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 because of
this
Linking Words
 disease.
In addition
Linking Words
,
animals
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 and
plants
Use synonyms
 play a
cricul
Correct your spelling
critical
crucial
 role in our
meal
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meals
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, if biodiversity is disrupted by the
exitinction
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extinction
 of
animals
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 and
plants
Use synonyms
, we have a high possibility of food shortage. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
earth
Correct article usage
the earth
show examples
 has other
problems
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as global warming and climate change in
modern
Add an article
a modern
show examples
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
,
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the urgent environmental
Use synonyms
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
show examples
 of our time
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the loss of a large number of
specises
Correct your spelling
species
 of
animals
Use synonyms
 and
plats
Correct your spelling
plants
show examples
because if they will disappear, we would suffer from uncountless diseases.
Submitted by garim4645 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents both sides of the argument as required by the prompt, but make sure to balance your discussion more evenly across the different viewpoints.
task achievement
Acknowledge counterarguments more explicitly to add depth to your analysis.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in verb tenses to enhance the clarity of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use more linking words to connect ideas.
task achievement
Provide more specific and detailed examples to strengthen your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly sets up the topic and reflects your view, creating a solid foundation for your essay.
task achievement
You attempt to address both perspectives, which is vital for a balanced discussion.
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