IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the average temperatures in 12 months in three cities and how many hours of sunshine these cities have in a year.

The charts below show the average temperatures in 12 months in three cities and how many hours of sunshine these cities have in a year.
#show #temperatures #months #three #cities #hours #sunshine #year
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The chart above illustrates the amount of three
cities
Change noun form
cities'
city's
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 temperatures on average in 12 months and how many
sunshine's
Change noun form
sunshine
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hours
Use synonyms
 they had.
Overall
Linking Words
, these temperatures mostly reached their peak in July. But not if you live in Sydney, which came across its lowest amount in the same month.
However
Linking Words
, New York received the most
hours
Use synonyms
 of sunshine. In terms of New York, it started low in January at approximately 5
Use synonyms
degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
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.
Then
Linking Words
, it
has undergone
Wrong verb form
underwent
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 a massive growth to 30
Use synonyms
degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
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 in July. Making it their hottest
temperature
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. Afterwards, the
temperature
Use synonyms
 was decreased back to 5
Use synonyms
degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
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 in December.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, London went to a similar
temperature
Use synonyms
. The start was at 8
Use synonyms
degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
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 in January, followed by 25
Use synonyms
degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
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 in July, and
finally
Linking Words
 ended at 10
Use synonyms
degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
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 in December.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, those who live in Sydney
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 not experience the same weather. The
temperature
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 was quite high in January at 27
Use synonyms
degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
show examples
. Next thing you know, it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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declined to 15
Use synonyms
degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
show examples
 in July. But ultimately, the
temperature
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 reached its peak in December at 26
Use synonyms
degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
show examples
.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, Sydney got the second highest number of sunshine at 2473
hours
Use synonyms
, which
then
Linking Words
 continued with London at 1158
hours
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by iigness05 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, degree, temperature with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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