IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The illustration provided information about the percentage of how many people
were
Correct pronoun usage
who were
show examples
 born and died in New Zealand from 1901 to 2101.
Overall
Linking Words
,it’s noticeable that both of them increased and both of them
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 a
peak
Use synonyms
,after the
birth
Use synonyms
 reached a
peak
Use synonyms
it’s
Unnecessary verb
it
show examples
 started a progressively decrease
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of
death
Use synonyms
 dramatically increased. The
rate
Use synonyms
 of
birth
Use synonyms
 rapidly
change
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
 from 1930 to 1970
eventually
Correct word choice
and eventually
show examples
 reached a
peak
Use synonyms
 in 1970
exactly
Change preposition
at exactly
show examples
 60%.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 of
death
Use synonyms
 progressively rose.
However
Linking Words
 not so good like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
birth
Use synonyms
,everything
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
changed in 1981
birth
Use synonyms
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 to predictably decrease at the same time
figure
Correct article usage
the figure
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
death
Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
moderately increased
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,they crossed paths in 2021 and the
death
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 definitely overtook the
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 onward
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rapidly went up and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 a
peak
Use synonyms
 in 2050,
rate
Use synonyms
 of
birth
Use synonyms
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
steadily
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words peak, birth, death, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 2 times.
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