IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that governments should ban dangerous sports even though others claim they should have the freedom to choose a sport of their liking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #governments #ban #sports #freedom #sport
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A number of
people
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 have expressed their concerns towards dangerous
sports
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.
However
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, some might suggest their views on freedom of
sports
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. I personally agree that
people
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 should be able to choose a sport freely subject to their liking.
However
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, I fully encourage that the
government
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 should improve professional training in these dangerous
sports
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. In
this
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 essay, I will explain more about the topic.
To begin
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 with, there are many dangerous
sports
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 that exist these days. Most of these
people
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 are adrenaline junkies who love to do adventurous things.
For instance
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, F1 racing is considered to be a dangerous sport. The outcomes of an accident can lead to a very critical state.
However
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, an individual should be able to proceed with their own hobbies and interests. Sean Gelael is one of the Indonesian racing athletes, and the impacts that he has brought to my country in
sports
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 are undeniable.
Therefore
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, I am fully against the disbanding of dangerous
sports
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. In terms of professional training,
this
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 is something that the
government
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 should really attention to. Proper training by a professional can mitigate the result of incompetent athletes. As a matter of fact, I fully suggest a total disbandment of unprofessional
sports
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such
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 as a wild rally. These races could involve a lot of
people
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 in dangerous situations. By training professionally, these athletes could really explore their potential and bring a good performance for their country.
Thus
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, there are many efforts that the
government
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 can do on
this
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 matter. In conclusion, I totally disagree that the
government
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 should ban dangerous
sports
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. In fact,
people
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 should have the freedom to choose a sport of their liking.
Nevertheless
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, the
government
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 can make multiple efforts to mitigate the bad outcomes.
Submitted by iigness05 on

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task achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction to outline your stance and the main points that will be discussed in the essay for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly relates to your main argument and link them smoothly to maintain coherence and flow.
task achievement
Consider including more specific examples or evidence to reinforce your points.
task achievement
You clearly state your opinion on the issue, supporting the idea of individual freedom in choosing sports.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are appropriately structured, which contributes to a clear logical flow.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by considering both sides of the argument, albeit prioritizing one over the other.
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