IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other peoplebelieve that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #peoplebelieve #decisions
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It is perceived by many that letting
children
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 make their own daily decisions will foster,
in
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at
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 a later age, selfish individuals,
while
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 others believe that
this
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 kind of freedom is beneficial and instructive.In
this
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 essay, we will dive into the depth of both these
approachs
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approaches
 and I will give my own point of view in conclusion.
To begin
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 with, it is assumed that allowing personal choices in everyday matters
help
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helps
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children
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 to learn from their own mistakes and develop their
auto-critisim
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auto-criticism
. In fact,
with
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by
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 experiencing trial and error, the young ones will enhance their
abitlity
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ability
in analysing
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to analyse
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 facts,
situations
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and situations
show examples
 and
also
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 their
understood
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understanding
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 of the consequences of their actions.
Although
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, it will augment their independence, autonomy and decision-making skills from an early age in order to be
well prepared
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well-prepared
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 for the various challenges in adulthood.
In addition
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 to that, as parents, delegating little daily decisions to our
children
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 will reinforce
balanced
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the balanced
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 relation of friendship, aiding them to develop their self-assuredness. On
th
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the
 other hand, proponents of the other statement argue that letting
children
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 be self
reponsible
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responsible
of
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for
show examples
 their own choices in their early life can lead to an excessive focus on
peronal
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personal
 wishes
wich
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which
show examples
, in turn, might develop selfishness and even over-emphasis on
oneself
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their
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 desires.
Furthermore
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, having too much freedom at their age in deciding daily matters may
conduce
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cause
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children
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 to prioritize their preferences over their needs
wich
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which
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 will automatically impact their social, moral and even health development namely diet and nutritional habits. All things considered, in my opinion, it can be concluded that a balanced approach where
children
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 are given the freedom to make choices but within a structured framework provided by parents can help strike a balance between personal
indenpendence
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independence
 and social
responsability
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responsibility
.
Submitted by labbassinouha on

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task achievement
Try to elaborately justify both viewpoints discussed in the essay to enhance the clarity of your arguments. Including more relevant specific examples can help substantiate your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structures and grammar to enhance fluency in your writing. While the overall flow is commendable, some grammatical mistakes can be minimized.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-rounded introduction and conclusion which aligns with the objectives of the task. It concisely introduces the topic and wraps up with a coherent opinion.
task achievement
The essay appropriately acknowledges both sides of the argument and provides a balanced view, leading towards an insightful personal opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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