IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The government should pay for the college fees for everyone who wants to study at the University. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

#government #college #fees #study #university
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Recently, the question of how to spend public
money
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in
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on
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 education has become subject of the heated debate. Some people assert that
the
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apply
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public
money
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 should
use
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be used
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 for
the
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apply
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university
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fees
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 for
students
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 who
wants
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want
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 to
study
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,
while
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 others argue
otherwise
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. Personally, I believe that both arguments should be given equal weight. In the following essay, the evidence supporting
this
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 contention will be discussed alongside relevant examples. On one hand, those who claim that
students
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 should spend their
money
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 on their college
fees
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 do so for several reasons. Proponents of
this
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 argument insist that pupils can get more motivation and grow responsibility by charging. To be more specific, they can
feel
Verb problem
spend
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 more valuable time at their
university
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. Given these points, some people hold the view that the government shouldn’t pay for the college
fees
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 for everyone who wants to
study
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 at the
University
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. My opinion,
on the other hand
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, is that
the
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apply
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public
money
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 should
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
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fees
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 for
students
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 who
wants
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want
show examples
 to
study
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. Perhaps the most compelling reason is that
opportunity
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the opportunity
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of
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to
show examples
study
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 should to
give
Verb problem
apply
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everyone even low socioeconomic
students
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. Another benefit is that people can get more significant knowledge.
In other words
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, our society will enhance. Because
,
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apply
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 society
consist
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consists
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 of clever
students
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. In light of the above, I find these more persuasive. In conclusion, it is undeniable that there
a
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is a
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variety of opinions about
this
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 topic.
However
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, after considering
this
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 matter in a careful manner, it can be concluded that each side of the debate has its strengths, as discussed above.
Submitted by fdsajkloo on

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relevant specific examples
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument. This will give weight to your points and make the essay more engaging.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that your ideas are more clearly presented. Some parts of the essay are a bit unclear, and require more development to support your stance effectively.
complete response
Try to elaborate further on each argument, providing more evidence and clearer explanations to fully satisfy the task response.
logical structure
The essay's logical structure is fairly well-organized, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. This helps guide the reader through your arguments efficiently.
introduction conclusion present
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, providing a good framework for your arguments. This helps in creating a cohesive essay.
supported main points
Main points are supported, though they could use more examples. The arguments are separated into different paragraphs, which aids readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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