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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The wealth gap between 1st world countries and 3rd world countries seems to be increasing. How can we reduce this gap? Do you think that developed countries have a duty to assist developing countries in every way? See all user-written essays on this topic

#wealth #gap #st #world #countries #rd #duty #user-written #essays #topic
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Nowadays, the phenomenon of the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
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wealth
Correct article usage
the wealth
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gap
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 between developing and developed
arouse
Correct subject-verb agreement
arouses
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 the concerns of many. If proper assistance is being given to 3rd
world
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countries
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,
such
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gap
Correct article usage
a gap
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 wouldn’t have expanded that much.
Accordingly
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, developed
countries
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 must interfere to help out other
countries
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 which are facing critical challenges or
otherwise
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further
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 consequences might occur affecting the international community,
such
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 as illegal immigration, diffused diseases….etc.
This
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 essay will discuss in
further
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 paragraphs the solutions to reduce the
gap
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 and the reasons why wealthier
countries
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 should interfere to support.
First,
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lack of resources and low income of 3rd
world
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countries
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 are hampering their ability to develop. A great example of
this
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are
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is
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 African
countries
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, as they are suffering from poor weather conditions that affect their agriculture.
As a result
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, poverty and hunger levels are increasing significantly there.
Therefore
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, providing African
countries
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 with high technological machinery will help them in cultivation and will contribute to reducing the
wealth
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 difference between developed and developing
countries
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.
Second,
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it is the responsibility of the international community to collaborate to assist
third
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third-world
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world
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countries
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. If
countries
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 with robust income
didn’t
Wrong verb form
don’t
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 provide support to low-income
countries
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, bigger challenges will appear and affect
strong income
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strong-income
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countries
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 as well.
For instance
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, bad quality of living, unemployment and low salaries are the reasons for the illegal immigration from Mexico to the US which is negatively impacting the United States of America. Another example is the spread of malaria even in rich
countries
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 as it has developed
due to
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 bad health conditions in poor
countries
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. In conclusion, the increase
of
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in
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 the
wealth
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gap
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 between 1st and 3rd
world
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countries
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 is a critical phenomenon that should be considered by the international community. Cooperation, collaboration and understanding the needs
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countries
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of countries
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 that face challenges, will ultimately result in curbing those issues and decreasing the
wealth
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gap
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.
Submitted by sarah.matarawy on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively but could be enhanced by including more diverse perspectives and examples to provide a fuller response.
task achievement
The essay presents clear ideas, but consider refining some points for greater clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
Enhance logical connections between paragraphs and within ideas to improve the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up the topic and the essay includes a clear conclusion.
task achievement
The essay uses relevant examples to support points regarding the issues faced by developing countries.
coherence cohesion
The structure is well-organized with a logical progression of ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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