IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people claim that all experimentation on animal is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

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Scientists
Use synonyms
 applied many
experiments
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 on
animals
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 for different reasons. Many people think that
this
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 is bad and should be outlawed
while
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 others think that it is important for many discoveries and inventions in the science field. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the justification of animal
experimentation
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 and some other ways of
experimentation
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. Up to today,
Scientists
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did
Wrong verb form
have done
show examples
 many
experiments
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 on
animals
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 to make many discoveries. The main reason for
this
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 is saving human life.
In other words
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, to create new innovations or discoveries professors should test new products on someone or something and during the
experimentation
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 there could be different situations even that creature might
die
Rephrase
even die
show examples
.
That is
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 why
scientists
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 prefer doing
experiments
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 on
animals
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.
For example
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, in 1952 Soviet scholars launched 2 dogs into the atmosphere before launching humans. After the dogs came back without harm they launched humans. Nowadays, technologies are better day by day compared to the past and these technologies help scholars to do
experiments
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 on them
instead
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 of
animals
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.
Such
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 as
scientists
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 launched robots into Mars to know life expectancy in that place.
Besides
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 that robots
also
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 can send videos of Mars to the station without any problem. I think
this
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 is one of the best innovations of the age. In conclusion,
although
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 there are some drawbacks of
experimentation
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 on
animals
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,
this
Linking Words
 will help to save many people

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task achievement
Ensure that both sides of the argument are addressed equally. The essay discusses the justification of animal experimentation but could explore alternatives more thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from clearer paragraphing to improve logical flow. Each paragraph should clearly support a single main idea.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion addressing the justification of animal testing and alternatives.
task achievement
The use of specific historical examples, such as the Soviet dogs, enhances the argument about the necessity of animal experimentation for scientific progress.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a good ability to use linking words to create a sense of cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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