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Writing Samples
Band 7

The line graph illustrates the amount of visitor spend for visitors to New Zealand from 5 countries over a period of eighteen years between 1996 and 2014.

The line graph illustrates the amount of visitor spend for visitors to New Zealand from 5 countries over a period of eighteen years between 1996 and 2014.
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The line graph gives information about how much
money
Use synonyms
 tourists spent when visiting New Zealand from 1996 to 2014.The people who visited New Zealand were from Australia, the USA, the UK, Japan, and
China
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 and the units are measured in NZ dollars.
Overall
Linking Words
, expenditures from all
countries
Use synonyms
 increased at the start of the period except for the UK. The middle of the period witnessed an increment in
money
Use synonyms
 spent by all
countries
Use synonyms
 except Japan and
China
Use synonyms
 which was reduced. In the end period, all
countries
Use synonyms
 witnessed a reduction in exceptions for
China
Use synonyms
 which showed an increment. With regards to Australia, which made the highest number in comparison with other
countries
Use synonyms
, it began at around 1000
then
Linking Words
 peaked at about 2000 in 2006 before fluctuating and dropping to 2000 in 2014.
Likewise
Linking Words
, the USA which spent the second highest
money
Use synonyms
 followed a similar pattern and ended up at approximately 1250 NZ$ in the
last
Linking Words
 year.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the UK started just below 500 in 1996
then
Linking Words
 rose substantially to about1000NZ$ in 2008 before fluctuating and ending at
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 800. There was a steady rise in expenditures by tourists from Japan from around 500 to peak at 100 in 2002 before dropping gradually to just above 500 in 20414.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
China
Use synonyms
, the country
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 spent the least
money
Use synonyms
, saw mild fluctuation throughout the years with expenditures never exceeding 500.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words money, china, countries with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • illustrates
  • visitor spend
  • over a period of
  • eighteen years
  • between 1996 and 2014
  • general trend
  • observed
  • increase
  • decrease
  • fluctuations
  • a breakdown of
  • spending habits
  • comparison
  • highest spenders
  • lowest spenders
  • possible reasons
  • economic conditions
  • tourism promotions
  • significant events
  • specific significant peaks
  • drops in spending
  • corresponding years
  • impact of external factors
  • global financial crisis
  • natural disasters
  • summarizing
  • overall trend
  • implications
  • tourism industry
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