IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Today, many young people spend too much of their free time at shopping malls. This can be considered negative for young people and society generally. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Earlier, people did not have enough places where they
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 spend their free time, IN the contemporary era most young one
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
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 their free time in
shooping
Correct your spelling
shopping
mall
Fix the agreement mistake
malls
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. So, whether it is a negative thing for them and society or not, has become
matter
Add an article
a matter
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 of discussion. My views completely fall in
latter
Add an article
a latter
the latter
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 statement which will be justified in
subsequent
Add an article
the subsequent
a subsequent
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 paragraph. The prime reason why young people spend most of their free time in shopping places is entertainment. To elucidate, shopping mall7

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task achievement
Try to develop your ideas more fully. Your essay currently presents some initial thoughts, but it lacks depth in exploring the issues related to young people spending time in shopping malls.
task achievement
Work on providing specific examples or evidence to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking words or phrases to connect ideas and maintain a logical flow throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
Include both an introduction and a conclusion in your essay. The introduction should clearly present your stance on the issue, and the conclusion should summarize and reinforce your main points.
coherence cohesion
Build on your main points by adding more details and explanations, which can help clarify your position and enhance your reader’s understanding.
task achievement
You have chosen a relevant and current topic for discussion, which demonstrates an awareness of contemporary societal issues.
coherence cohesion
Your intention to discuss the issues related to young people spending time in shopping malls is clear, setting a foundation for the essay's exploration of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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