Some people believe that our personality comes mostly from our genes rather than from the way we are brought up. To what extent do you agree with this?

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opinions differ regarding whether or not humans' genes exert more influence on our characters than how we have grown. Some critics insist that the environment
which
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in which
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we have grown
plays
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up plays
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a crucial role in growing wholesome adults. I personally completely agree with
this
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assertion since in childhood and
in
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apply
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teenage years, individuals are influenced by
the
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apply
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circumstance
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circumstances
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.
To begin
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with, there are major two reasons why the environment that we have grown has a large impact on our personality.
Firstly
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,
people
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are decided their personality by memories of childhood. To explain, if children are shocked and abused, they can be traumatised, which does harm to their emotional development and
therefore
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, they might have
personalities
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that they do not like
people
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and
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which
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allow
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allows
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them to feel fear
to be
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of being
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close to others.
In addition
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, the parents' upbringing method is important for
people
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's
personalities
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.
For example
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, if they can not be educated on right and wrong by their parent
such
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as bullying others and stealing items, they will not decipher right and wrong, and it is unlikely that children cannot grow into wholesome adults.
Furthermore
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, they may commit crimes. On top of that, I believe that
people
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can be outgoing or introverted through class dynamics. To explain, if they are close with
friends
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who like sports and playing outside, they are extroverted because they play with the kind of
people
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.
However
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, if they are close to
friends
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who like reading books and do not like sports, they are introverted.
Therefore
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, they might change the
personalities
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by
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of
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their
friends
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. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
people
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's
personalities
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are decided by what kind of
friends
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they are close with and the environment
which
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in which
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they have grown. For
this
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reasons
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reason
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, our personality
come
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comes
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from the way we are brought up
Submitted by garim4645 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure, consider organizing your main points more clearly with distinct paragraphs for each idea. This will help in presenting a more fluid argumentation throughout.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains clear, focused ideas supported by specific examples. Try to elaborate more on each example to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on your ideas to achieve a more comprehensive response. Make sure your argument reflects a balance between both genetics and environment if you wish to address the 'extent' part effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which frame your discussion nicely.
task achievement
You engage with relevant examples, such as childhood experiences, to illustrate your points, which is effective in supporting your ideas.
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