At the present time, the popuation of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage of this situation outweight the disadvantages?

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Nowadays there is a predominant number of young
adults
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rather than older
people
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.
This
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outnumbering of the younger
population
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is extremely helpful for economic benefits, educational growth, and
upward
Correct article usage
the upward

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trend of the
population
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.
However
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, elderly
people
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and
people
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older than 26 are
also
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significant, because they are tremendously experienced in many economic sectors and usually hold high positions in companies and the demographic shortage of those
people
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causes a lack of experienced professionals in a country. On the one hand, young
adults
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are the most economically active
people
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, because they tend to spend an
enourmous
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enormous

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amount of money on entertainment and activities in comparison with older
people
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.
Moreover
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, at
this
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age the youth most often purchases personal properties and cars,
thus
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it makes
this
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group of
people
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the best contributors to the gross domestic product of a country, which expands the economic pie of the society.
Furtheremore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore

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,
modern
Correct article usage
the modern

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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generation of young
adults
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is more likely to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol

The spelling of enroll is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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at
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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universities
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker because. Consider removing the comma.

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because nowadays it is more
avaliable
Correct your spelling
available
valuable

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than ever before. It increases the number of educated individuals
,
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apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma in a compound predicate. Consider removing it.

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and contributes both to the economy and social stability. Eventually,
people
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between the age of 18-26 from a demographic point of view are extremely significant for reproduction.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

age is usually a peak of women's fertility and because of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

more babies will be born, which will stabilize the demographic trend in the long term.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, older
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are usually the richest stratum of the
population
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, because they are most experienced in their professional fields. These
people
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are utterly demanded
for
Change preposition
by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the huge corporations and transnational companies that look for
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with a huge experience and working proficiency. The lack of
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

indicates that there is an absence of potential professors, CEOs and leaders
that
Correct pronoun usage
who

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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can teach younger generations.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

threatens the labour market, because most of the participants are comprised of
an
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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unexperienced young
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with zero professional abilities and skills. In
conclsion
Correct your spelling
conclusion

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, the advantages of the given situation outweigh the disadvantages because young
adults
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are the most significant contributors to the GPA, and they are
most
Correct article usage
the most

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educated stratum of the
population
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

as well.
Also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, young
adults
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is
Change the verb form
are

The singular verb is does not appear to agree with the plural subject adults. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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the main group of
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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reproduction. In terms of disadvantages, older
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are
most
Correct article usage
the most

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experienced
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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, and
absence
Correct article usage
the absence

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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of these
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

represents the lack of highly demanded and skillful workers.

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task achievement
Work on including more specific examples or data to solidify the arguments you make. For instance, mention specific economic contributions or educational trends to give more weight to your points.
task achievement
Be mindful of consistency in using the term "GPA" as it seems there is confusion with "GDP," which is gross domestic product. Clarifying terms will prevent misunderstandings.
coherence cohesion
Improve the flow between paragraphs by using more transition words and phrases. This will help connect ideas more smoothly from one paragraph to the next.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument clearly, showing a balanced viewpoint on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, giving the essay a structured beginning and end which encapsulate the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Logical arguments are made about the benefits of a younger population in terms of economic benefits and educational opportunities, linking back to the essay question well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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