At the present time, the popuation of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage of this situation outweight the disadvantages?

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Nowadays there is a predominant number of young

adults

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rather than older

people

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This

Linking Words

outnumbering of the younger

population

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is extremely helpful for economic benefits, educational growth, and

upward

Correct article usage

the upward

show examples

trend of the

population

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However

Linking Words

, elderly

people

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and

people

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older than 26 are

also

Linking Words

significant, because they are tremendously experienced in many economic sectors and usually hold high positions in companies and the demographic shortage of those

people

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causes a lack of experienced professionals in a country. On the one hand, young

adults

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are the most economically active

people

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, because they tend to spend an

enourmous

Correct your spelling

enormous

amount of money on entertainment and activities in comparison with older

people

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Moreover

Linking Words

, at

this

Linking Words

age the youth most often purchases personal properties and cars,

thus

Linking Words

it makes

this

Linking Words

group of

people

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the best contributors to the gross domestic product of a country, which expands the economic pie of the society.

Furtheremore

Correct your spelling

Furthermore

modern

Correct article usage

the modern

show examples

generation of young

adults

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is more likely to

enroll

Change the spelling

enrol

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

universities

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because nowadays it is more

avaliable

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available

valuable

than ever before. It increases the number of educated individuals

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apply

show examples

and contributes both to the economy and social stability. Eventually,

people

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between the age of 18-26 from a demographic point of view are extremely significant for reproduction.

This

Linking Words

age is usually a peak of women's fertility and because of

this

Linking Words

more babies will be born, which will stabilize the demographic trend in the long term.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, older

people

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are usually the richest stratum of the

population

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, because they are most experienced in their professional fields. These

people

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are utterly demanded

for

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show examples

the huge corporations and transnational companies that look for

people

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with a huge experience and working proficiency. The lack of

such

Linking Words

people

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indicates that there is an absence of potential professors, CEOs and leaders

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

can teach younger generations.

This

Linking Words

also

Linking Words

threatens the labour market, because most of the participants are comprised of

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

unexperienced young

people

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with zero professional abilities and skills. In

conclsion

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conclusion

, the advantages of the given situation outweigh the disadvantages because young

adults

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are the most significant contributors to the GPA, and they are

most

Correct article usage

the most

show examples

educated stratum of the

population

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as well.

Also

Linking Words

, young

adults

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Change the verb form

are

show examples

the main group of

people

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for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

reproduction. In terms of disadvantages, older

people

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are

most

Correct article usage

the most

show examples

experienced

one

Correct pronoun usage

ones

show examples

, and

absence

Correct article usage

the absence

show examples

of these

people

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represents the lack of highly demanded and skillful workers.

akylov.aFri Jan 17 2025

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task achievement

Work on including more specific examples or data to solidify the arguments you make. For instance, mention specific economic contributions or educational trends to give more weight to your points.

task achievement

Be mindful of consistency in using the term "GPA" as it seems there is confusion with "GDP," which is gross domestic product. Clarifying terms will prevent misunderstandings.

coherence cohesion

Improve the flow between paragraphs by using more transition words and phrases. This will help connect ideas more smoothly from one paragraph to the next.

task achievement

The essay presents both sides of the argument clearly, showing a balanced viewpoint on the topic.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, giving the essay a structured beginning and end which encapsulate the main points effectively.

coherence cohesion

Logical arguments are made about the benefits of a younger population in terms of economic benefits and educational opportunities, linking back to the essay question well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

392 words

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At the present time, the popuation of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage of this situation outweight the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, while others believe that they should be realistic and think about their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

some individuals advocate for improving public transportation systems as a means to reduce traffic congestion and air pollution. Conversely, others argue that private cars offer more convenience and freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

some children spend hours every day on their smartphones why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.'

You have just been promoted at work. Write your friend, who lives in a different city, a letter. In your letter: Tell them about the benefits of the new role Tell them about the new challenges Asked them if they have changed jobs too