IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Most modern family have both parents working and as a result children spend less and less time with their parents. What is the reason for this? What problem can this cause?

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There is no denying the fact that
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 care
required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
 both
Use synonyms
parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
show examples
 attention.
While
Linking Words
 it is held belief that most
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
 families have both
parents
Use synonyms
 working,
therefore
Linking Words
, kids spend less time with their
parents
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
enclude
Correct your spelling
include
 the factors and
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
issues
will
Correct pronoun usage
that will
show examples
 be
cause
Add an article
the cause
a cause
show examples
 of
this
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 trend.
To begin
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 with, there are many factors of
this
Linking Words
 current
life-style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
. To elaborate, life's expenses allocate a huge amount of money,
hence
Linking Words
, both
parents
Use synonyms
 must enhance their financial status in order to cover their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 needs.
In addition
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, spouses must build and develop their own careers to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
role
modle
Correct your spelling
models
for their own kids.
For example
Linking Words
, studies have proven that
Use synonyms
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 actions influence their children,
therefore
Linking Words
, they should be aware of these acts.

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task achievement
Consider expanding the essay to clearly address both parts of the task, specifically the problems caused by children spending less time with their parents.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your argument effectively and summarize your ideas.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points, which will make your argument more convincing.
task achievement
The essay identifies reasons why both parents in modern families work, such as financial necessity and career development.
coherence cohesion
The writing shows an attempt to structure ideas logically, setting up a reasoned argument about parents' influence on children.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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