IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People nowadays are spending more time at the work place and it is argued this is a problem for family life.To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #time #work #place #life
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The requirements of the modern age pressurize
people
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 to
work
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 hard and earn money.
This
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 results in spending most of their
time
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 at
work
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, which can be the primary cause of conflicts between family members. I agree with
this
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 statement as
this
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 trend can lead to depression and other problems that will impact
on
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apply
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relationships with family members. On the one hand, some jobs require employees to spend a lot of
time
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 on their jobs, regardless of whether they are paid high or low. In countries where these types of workplaces exist, spending a lot of
time
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 in offices not only causes household conflict
,
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 but
also
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 leads to an aggressive, toxic life.
As well as
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,
according to
Linking Words
 a 2020 study by Swedish scientists, in Europe,
people
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 who spend more
time
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 at
work
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 in private companies have shorter marriages
due to
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 family conflicts.
In addition
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, family members cannot prevent their children from becoming spoiled in the future because they are neglected in homes where parents
work
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 a lot .
Moreover
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, they can be influenced by bad
people
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 in the society.
As a result
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, it can cause undesirable habits and
behaviors
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behaviours
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 in them. Studies show that
,
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apply
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 17% of young
people
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 in Mexica
commit
Verb problem
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have become
an
Correct article usage
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addict
Fix the agreement mistake
addicts
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for
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this
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 reason and
this
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 indicator is increasing.
To sum up
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, working long hours indeed
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 unhappiness, depression and separation from their families.
Furthermore
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 in order to prevent bad situations that may arise, it is necessary to properly adjust working hours and
time
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 spent with family.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on providing a more logically structured argument throughout your essay. Ensure that each paragraph flows into the next smoothly and logically, and make sure each point leads naturally to the next.
Task Response
Try to make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive by exploring each point more thoroughly. Elaborate on your arguments and provide more depth to your explanations.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
Task Response
You've provided relevant and specific examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument.
Task Response
You have addressed the task response clearly and completely, touching on various aspects of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • familial bonds
  • emotional distance
  • quality time
  • flexible work arrangements
  • technological advancements
  • work commitments
  • family activities
  • sense of belonging
  • increased income
  • fulfillment
  • positive dynamics
What to do next:
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