Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. Others believe that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

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There are different perceptions amongst the groups of people regarding the achievement of success in one's
life
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.
Moreover
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, some believers possess the ideology that in order to flourish, it is imperative to take risks and chances;
Whereas
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, others opine that structured planning is the key to becoming successful in
life
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. Narrating my opinion, I think the route to be successful is through an immense hard
work
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mindset cultivation
along with
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nurturing the habit of discipline. Embarking on the discussion, the achievement of accomplishments is an arduous challenge to fulfill which can be acclimatized through progressive hard
work
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in a constructive direction.
Additionally
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,
this
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pattern of working hard should be in synchronization with professional career growth to deliver the desired outcome of prosperity.
Thus
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,
this
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analogy will not only increase the proportion of prosperity, but
also
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it will bolster a person's earning potential
consequently
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unlocking the unreached financial capabilities. To quote an illustration, it is observed that the population working hard in their respective professions without considering the number of hours worked, eventually become more rich than their peers who confined themselves to
work
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for limited hours.
Furthermore
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, another prime component in order to achieve a successful lifestyle is the habit of promoting discipline in
life
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. Fostering
this
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ability will lead a person to organize their tasks and projects in a lucrative fashion ensuring higher chances of gaining accomplishments in any sector.
Hence
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, cultivation of
this
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ideology will bolster a human's growth potential and
work
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ethic to convey their best performance.
For example
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, the success ratio in countries like China and Japan is exponentially surging
due to
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the adoption of
disciplined
Correct article usage
a disciplined
show examples
lifestyle and dedication towards personal goal achievements. Having said that, proponents think that taking risks or resorting to gambling is a way to flourish in
life
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;
However
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, others propose the channelizing of structured planning analogy as the key to personal growth which in my opinion can be achieved through the promotion of working progressively
along with
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adopting the culture of keeping oneself disciplined to reward ourselves with the desired outcomes.
Submitted by pabhi919 on

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task achievement
Although there is a strong focus on hard work and discipline, consider addressing the perspective of risk-taking a bit more deeply to create a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are quite lengthy and could be broken down for clarity. This would enhance readability and make the essay easier to follow.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear and effective introduction that sets the stage for the discussion.
supported main points
Main points about hard work and discipline are well-supported with examples and logical reasoning.
relevant specific examples
The use of examples, such as the mention of countries with disciplined lifestyles, enhances the argumentative strength of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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