Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. Others believe that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

#people #success #life #risks #chances #results #support

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There are different perceptions amongst the groups of people regarding the achievement of success in one's

life

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Moreover

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, some believers possess the ideology that in order to flourish, it is imperative to take risks and chances;

Whereas

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, others opine that structured planning is the key to becoming successful in

life

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. Narrating my opinion, I think the route to be successful is through an immense hard

work

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mindset cultivation

along with

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nurturing the habit of discipline. Embarking on the discussion, the achievement of accomplishments is an arduous challenge to fulfill which can be acclimatized through progressive hard

work

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in a constructive direction.

Additionally

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this

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pattern of working hard should be in synchronization with professional career growth to deliver the desired outcome of prosperity.

Thus

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this

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analogy will not only increase the proportion of prosperity, but

also

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it will bolster a person's earning potential

consequently

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unlocking the unreached financial capabilities. To quote an illustration, it is observed that the population working hard in their respective professions without considering the number of hours worked, eventually become more rich than their peers who confined themselves to

work

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for limited hours.

Furthermore

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, another prime component in order to achieve a successful lifestyle is the habit of promoting discipline in

life

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. Fostering

this

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ability will lead a person to organize their tasks and projects in a lucrative fashion ensuring higher chances of gaining accomplishments in any sector.

Hence

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, cultivation of

this

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ideology will bolster a human's growth potential and

work

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ethic to convey their best performance.

For example

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, the success ratio in countries like China and Japan is exponentially surging

due to

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the adoption of

disciplined

Correct article usage

a disciplined

show examples

lifestyle and dedication towards personal goal achievements. Having said that, proponents think that taking risks or resorting to gambling is a way to flourish in

life

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;

However

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, others propose the channelizing of structured planning analogy as the key to personal growth which in my opinion can be achieved through the promotion of working progressively

along with

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adopting the culture of keeping oneself disciplined to reward ourselves with the desired outcomes.

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task achievement

Although there is a strong focus on hard work and discipline, consider addressing the perspective of risk-taking a bit more deeply to create a balanced view.

coherence cohesion

Some sentences are quite lengthy and could be broken down for clarity. This would enhance readability and make the essay easier to follow.

introduction conclusion present

The essay has a clear and effective introduction that sets the stage for the discussion.

supported main points

Main points about hard work and discipline are well-supported with examples and logical reasoning.

relevant specific examples

The use of examples, such as the mention of countries with disciplined lifestyles, enhances the argumentative strength of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

340 words

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Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. Others believe that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

Do you think it is important to protect animals? What can be done to deal with this problem?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?