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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The two charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 that young
people
Use synonyms
 are really
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 taking part in different types of
dance
Use synonyms
 classes in different
location
Fix the agreement mistake
locations
show examples
 in a town in
Australi
Correct your spelling
Australia
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 the pie chart, we can see that the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
enjoy learning dances in private studios. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 was 48%. The
sencond
Correct your spelling
second
 largest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 are
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
choosing school halls when they after school. It is about 24. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who want to attend community halls & other and college-based studios
respective
Change the word
respectively
show examples
 was 18%
ans
Correct your spelling
and
 10%.
According to
Linking Words
 the bar chart,we can see about the
people
Use synonyms
 under 11 years old, most of them are keen on ballet,
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 are about 600
people
Use synonyms
. The number of
people
Use synonyms
 who want to learn modern
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 about 300. About the age of
people
Use synonyms
 between 11 and 16, most of them enjoy
learninig
Correct your spelling
learning
 modern,
a
Correct word choice
and a
show examples
small number of
people
Use synonyms
 enjoy learning ballet, it is about 300. Tap
dance
Use synonyms
 exhibits a more balanced distribution, with nearly 430 students under 11 and around 450 students aged 11-16, indicating that both age groups participate in almost equal proportions. In conclusion, private studios are the primary
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
location for
dance
Use synonyms
 classes. Ballet is notably more popular among younger children,
Linking Words
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
show examples
 modern
dance
Use synonyms
 attracts a larger number of teenagers.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, dance, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 6 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • attending
  • currently
  • location
  • variety
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • jazz
  • venues
  • popularity
  • attendees
  • juxtaposing
  • correlating
  • proximity
  • cultural influences
  • trends
  • anomalies
  • monopoly
  • proportion
  • distribution
  • enrollment
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