IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that now we can see films on our phones and tabletd there is no need to go to the cinema. Others says that to fully enjoy, go to cinema. Discuss both views and provide your opinion?

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Technology has revolutionized nearly every aspect of human life. Numerous individuals are of the opinion that theatres are of no use because we can see
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
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 movies on phones as well
whereas
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 hold the view that for
nice
Correct article usage
a nice
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 experience it is better to go to
cinemas
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain both the views
along with
Linking Words
 my opinion. First and foremost, in the annals of technology progress, it has become very convenient to watch new release films with the help of
Correct article usage
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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. It
is act
Change the verb form
acts
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 as a boon for some
people
Use synonyms
owing
Verb problem
apply
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to save money and time. Nowadays, individuals
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 busy
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
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 so most of the time they remain busy in their office meetings.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it
assist
Change the verb form
assists
show examples
 folks to enjoy
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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 very
less
Correct word choice
little
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 time.
Moreover
Linking Words
, almost everyone is using
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
, so they don't want to pay twice when everything is available on their
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
. Statistics reveal that 76% of
people
Use synonyms
decides
Change the verb form
decide
show examples
 to watch dramas and movies on mobile phones
instead
Linking Words
 of
theatres
Change preposition
in theatres
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some significant portion of
people
Use synonyms
 are in favour of going to
cinemas
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 everything is available on mobile, going to
theatre
Add an article
the theatre
show examples
 is a different feeling because
people
Use synonyms
 can enjoy movies with popcorn and other snacks
along with
Linking Words
big
Correct article usage
a big
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 screen which gives you a better view.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, going to
cinemas
Use synonyms
 can enhance social interaction. One can make new friends there.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it will support the film industry
otherwise
Linking Words
 it will ruined. In conclusion, in my opinion,
people
Use synonyms
 should go to
cinemas
Use synonyms
 for enjoyment with their loved ones.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas. This will help to guide the reader more effectively through your arguments.
task achievement
Expand on examples with more specific details to strengthen the argument. This will offer readers a clearer picture and make your points more convincing.
task achievement
Be sure to proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases. This will ensure clarity and a more professional tone.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion, acknowledging both viewpoints on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The structure includes a clear introduction and a concise conclusion, helping to frame the discussion well.
task achievement
The argument in favor of cinema highlights important social aspects and the unique experience it offers.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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