IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Is it good for children to start using computers from an early age and spend long hours on it? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. Explain your choice by using specific reasons and details.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In my opinion, it is good for kids to start using personal
computers
Use synonyms
 from their early phase of life.
However
Linking Words
, it will become harmful if they
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 long screentime on their laptops. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both sides, the advantages and disadvantages,
along with
Linking Words
 my reasonings. The
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 of early age
kids
Rephrase
when kids
show examples
start operating
Wrong verb form
operate
show examples
computers
Use synonyms
 is,
they
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
 will become more confident and adaptable to the latest technology
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 era, almost everything we use in daily life
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 utilizes technology. So, it will be beneficial for
children
Use synonyms
 to start learning
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to use electronics as soon as possible.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, tech-savvy
children
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 big potential
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 finding new
invention
Fix the agreement mistake
inventions
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 technology.
Along with
Linking Words
 the mentioned benefits, the disadvantages arise when little
children
Use synonyms
 spend
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time on their gadgets. It will become harmful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their growth if they become too attached
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
computers
Use synonyms
. Long
screentime
Correct your spelling
screen time
show examples
 will affect their focus and shorten their attention span.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they will become easily distracted and hardly focus on one thing. In
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term, it can damage their thinking process and they will have a hard time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
grabbing reality. They will become used
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 attaining everything they want instantly, but they
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not aware
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the process and hardship they have to endure before the result. To summarize, there are advantages and disadvantages of
children
Use synonyms
 to
start using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
computers
Use synonyms
 from an early age and
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 long hours on
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. It is parents' responsibility to pay attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their kids'
screentime
Correct your spelling
screen time
show examples
 and to ensure it won't harm their
children
Use synonyms
's mental development.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task achievement, consider including more specific examples or real-life scenarios to illustrate your points effectively, which will enhance the clarity and relevance of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps provide a structured response. Maintain a logical sequence of ideas across paragraphs to enhance cohesion.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer's opinion, making it easy for the reader to understand the approach.
task achievement
The essay acknowledges both advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced view of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological fluency
  • Educational development
  • Critical-thinking skills
  • Physical activity
  • Inappropriate content
  • Social skill development
  • Addiction
  • Cognitive abilities
  • Multitasking
  • Digital literacy
  • Screen time
  • Digital divide
  • Online safety
  • Cyberbullying
  • Ergonomics
  • Parental controls
  • Child-proofing
  • Interactive learning
What to do next:
Look at other essays: