IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some children spend hours everyday on their smart devices. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays
children
Use synonyms
 use their smart
devices
Use synonyms
 a lot during the day. The enjoyment
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these products and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 addictiveness could be some of the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why it is used so much. I believe that it has drawbacks for the kids. In the past,
children
Use synonyms
 used to socialize and play in the streets.
However
Linking Words
, in
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is not the case. They experienced the opportunities of the technological
devices
Use synonyms
 and the enjoyment that comes from these products cannot be underestimated.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are lots of popular games to play. When a child
win
Change the verb form
wins
show examples
 a game they feel a sense of achievement, pride and dopamine.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they are more likely to play since they
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 joy from it.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is a well-known fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the apps in
these
Change the determiner
this electronical device
these electronical devices
show examples
electronical
Correct your spelling
electronic
 device are addictive.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 like to explore and discover new stuff.
Consequenly
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, with endless possibilities
such
Linking Words
 as videos or internet
consumption
Add a comma
consumption,
show examples
 there is no end for them to experience.
For example
Linking Words
, my niece has a
vr
Correct your spelling
VR
show examples
 glasses even though he is 7. After playing computer, using
telephone
Add an article
the telephone
a telephone
show examples
 for the
contant
Correct your spelling
content
 in it, he wanted more.
Thus
Linking Words
, a child who constantly
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
 these technological
devices
Use synonyms
 will probably use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in the future as well. Affecting their both mental and physical
develepment
Correct your spelling
development
 badly. In
conclucion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, there are many reasons for
children
Use synonyms
 to spend lots of time on technological products. Enjoying it and
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
being
addictive
Replace the word
addicted
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 some of them. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 these
devices
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 detrimental effects on their development and the usage of them should be limited.

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language
Work on creating more complex sentence structures and use a wider range of vocabulary to improve clarity and precision in your ideas.
cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs are coherently linked and ideas flow smoothly from one point to the next.
task response
Strengthen main body paragraphs by expanding on ideas and providing more detailed analysis or examples.
introduction and conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are both clear and effectively communicate the main argument of the essay.
task response example
The essay provides relevant examples that support the main points, demonstrating a good use of examples to back up arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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