Some argue that having substantial wealth and limited leisure time is preferable to having less money but more free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?
It has been argued that possessing significant wealth, despite limited leisure
hour
, is more desirable than having fewer financial resources but Fix the agreement mistake
hours
extra
free Correct article usage
an extra
life
. I totally disagree with the statement becauseUse synonyms
,
it will take a human to a hectic Remove the comma
apply
life
schedule and some severe diseases like obesity and Use synonyms
depression
.
To commence with, to increase a better financial position a human needs to do lots of struggle . Working all Use synonyms
day
under stress to make money will lead a man to a very busy Use synonyms
life
having little time for themselves and their loved ones. Use synonyms
Moreover
, the great burden of industry makes Linking Words
a
individual deal with the tension and performance at the same time all Change the article
an
day
. Use synonyms
For instance
, to raise purchasing power a man needs to sacrifice his Linking Words
life
over performance and live under job strain always.
Another reason is that it can cause some critical illnesses Use synonyms
such
as obesity and Linking Words
depression
because if a human works all Use synonyms
day
he will not have a moment to exercise, eat a healthy diet and, enough rest which will put on his weight more than normal. Use synonyms
Similarly
, it will cause Linking Words
depression
as Use synonyms
a
individual not spending enough Change the article
an
hour
with family and friends, isolating for Fix the agreement mistake
hours
job
, Add an article
the job
a job
always
living under tension. Correct word choice
and always
For example
, a study from the World Health Organization has shown that if a man spends too much Linking Words
day
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
on
assignment
and does not do relaxation more likely to get obese and depressed.
In conclusion, I completely disagree with the statement of a handsome salary and less self-Fix the agreement mistake
assignments
life
over being less financially stable and having more Use synonyms
of
self-time becauseChange preposition
apply
,
it will lead Remove the comma
apply
a
individual to live a very busy Change the article
an
life
with strain and Use synonyms
also
cause some health issues Linking Words
such
as being overweight and Linking Words
depression
.Use synonyms
Submitted by sanjanasharma1905 on
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task achievement
To improve task achievement, try to address counter-arguments or support your own stance with more relevant and specific examples. Ensure the examples clearly relate to the points made.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, aim for smoother transitions between points and ideas. This can help to create a logical flow throughout your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow.
introduction conclusion present
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which successfully encapsulate your stance on the topic.
logical structure
Your arguments are generally well-structured and relevant to the task, with clear main points made regarding the disadvantages of wealth over leisure time.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite