Some people say that the best way to improve the overall general health of the public is to offer more sports facilities. Others say that this would have little effect and other measures are necessary to improve public health. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
While
some believe that offering more Linking Words
Use synonyms
sport
administrations is one of the most crucial Change the noun form
sports
way
to improve Fix the agreement mistake
ways
the
society's Correct article usage
apply
health
, others argue that Use synonyms
this
has a minimum development effect and other measurements are are must. Linking Words
This
essay will explore both notions and I will give my opinion.
On the one hand, Linking Words
sport
's benefits cannot be underestimated. Opening more Use synonyms
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
facilites
Correct your spelling
facilities
mean
more Correct subject-verb agreement
means
people
benefiting. Use synonyms
In other words
, not everyone has the opportunity to do sports for several reasons, Linking Words
such
as budget, access, etc. Linking Words
Furthermore
, the best way to encourage Linking Words
people
do to more physical Use synonyms
activites
will be Correct your spelling
activities
activity
launching
more Change the verb form
to launch
Use synonyms
sport related
facilities. Add a hyphen
sport-related
For instance
, if a town has only one or two fitness Linking Words
salon
Fix the agreement mistake
salons
people
are less likely to go there Use synonyms
due to
the reason that it may be too crowded.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, Linking Words
this
is not sufficient Linking Words
own
its own. There are Correct your spelling
on
bunch
of reasons that Add an article
a bunch
effects
Verb problem
affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
health
. Genetic Use synonyms
dieases
and eating habits are Correct your spelling
diseases
few
of them. To improve Correct article usage
a few
Linking Words
overall
Add an article
the overall
health
of the citizens, these factors Use synonyms
also
should be taken into consideration. Linking Words
For example
, Linking Words
in addition
to Linking Words
Use synonyms
sport
saloons Change the noun form
sports
dietisiens
and doctors could be in the Correct your spelling
dieticians
dietitians
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
facilty
as well. Correct your spelling
facility
According to
me, Linking Words
this
will Linking Words
incrase
the Correct your spelling
increase
health
of Use synonyms
the
society.
In conclusion, even though Correct article usage
apply
Use synonyms
sport
plants are vital it Fix the agreement mistake
sports
people
's Use synonyms
health
care, I believe that it is not enough and more improvements can be Use synonyms
taken
.Verb problem
made
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task achievement
The essay successfully addresses both views on the topic and includes a clear opinion, showing a good task response. However, strive to provide more balanced coverage of each perspective and delve deeper into alternative measures that could be taken to improve public health.
coherence and cohesion
The coherence of the essay is maintained through appropriate use of linking words and phrases. Nevertheless, consider varying sentence structures more to enhance the fluidity of the text.
coherence and cohesion
Try to eliminate minor grammatical and vocabulary errors for a cleaner presentation, which will help in making your arguments more impactful.
coherence and cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument, which is important for coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You used relevant examples to strengthen your arguments, such as discussing the accessibility of sports facilities and integrating health professionals into such facilities.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.