IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinemas.Others say that to be fully enjoyed Films need need to be seen cinema.Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #films #phones #tablets #cinemas #cinema
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Many people
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
Correct article usage
the presense
show examples
presense
Correct your spelling
presence
 of phones and
ipads
Correct your spelling
iPads
show examples
 saved us from watching movies in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cinemas
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 argue that
seen
Wrong verb form
seeing
show examples
 films in cinemas
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a special joy. I think regardless
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
 easy and comfortable watching
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the phone,
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 the whole experience to another level. On one hand ,watching movies
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the big screen
transfer
Correct subject-verb agreement
transfers
show examples
 the whole visual experience , ideas and the message that
Use synonyms
film makers
Correct your spelling
film-makers
show examples
 (director ,camera and lighting man ,sound production)want the
audiance
Correct your spelling
audience
 to feel it .For
instant
Replace the word
instance
show examples
,the director of Oppenhimer Christopher Nolan
insist
Wrong verb form
insisted
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
whatched
Correct your spelling
watching
 the
film
Use synonyms
 through IMAX
cinema
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 he used
a special lenses
Correct the article-noun agreement
a special lens
special lenses
show examples
 to capture the story .
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 technology used recently
such
Linking Words
 as 3D and sound
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 make the
audiance
Correct your spelling
audience
 sense the
atmospher
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
 of the
film
Use synonyms
.
lastly
Linking Words
 being in
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
a cinema
show examples
 with
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of people watching the same movie
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 you feel more engaged
specialy
Correct your spelling
specially
especially
speciality
 with
action
Correct article usage
an action
show examples
sence
Correct your spelling
scene
 or
dramatic
Correct article usage
a dramatic
show examples
 one at the very end it will
creat
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
 aremarkable try.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,viewing films through phones
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 the
indivisual
Correct your spelling
individual
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
 to choose the time ,place and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
film
Use synonyms
 type
upon
Change preposition
to
show examples
 his taste .
In addition
Linking Words
,
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 the freedom to repeat and rewatch
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old movies
any
Change preposition
at any
show examples
 time .
Furthermore
Linking Words
 ,with certain
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
 and
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
 watching the same movie at the same time with
long
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
distant
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 and family
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 became
achivable
Correct your spelling
achievable
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,the
joyfullnes
Correct your spelling
joyfulness
take
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
 from watching films in
cinema
Use synonyms
 could not be
relpace
Correct your spelling
replaced
replace
 with and small screen.
Submitted by youmnamaher91 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by using more linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Better structuring of paragraphs to separate ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Add more examples and expand on supporting points to provide stronger arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Clear introduction and conclusion that effectively presents the writer’s view.
task achievement
Main points are relevant and adequately discuss both views.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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