IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the range of technology available to individuals today is increasing the gap between the poor people and the rich people. Others think it is having an opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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People are of the notion that in today's world, the variety of gadgets available in the market is creating a bridge between
middle
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the middle
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 class and
higher
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the higher
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 class.
While
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 some
belive
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believe
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 it to be the opposite of that, my opinion
tilt
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tilts
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 towards the latter, when
taken
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taking
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 into consideration most of the
feature
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features
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 are
same
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the same
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 in expensive
device
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devices
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as well as
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 the affordable
option
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options
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, only the
differnce
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difference
 lies in the computing power of
both
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 the devices. First and foremost, the only gap between rich and poor in
regards
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regard
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 to
technology
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 is the ability of the consumer to purchase the product. Affordability is
certainlty
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certainly
 the reason for the gap, as not everyone is able to purchase an expensive phone or a laptop as soon as it is available to buy.
For example
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, every year Apple
launchs
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launches
launch
 a new iPhone and people stand in line to be able to get their hands on one,
but
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apply
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not everyone is able to afford a
thousand dollar
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thousand-dollar
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 phone, which
give
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gives
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Add an article
an individual
the individual
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individual
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individuals
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 a sense of
supriority
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priority
 over others, but looking at it with a
technology
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 perspective there is little to no difference between
both
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 the phones.
On the other hand
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, the range of
technology
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 is opening the door
to
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for
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 everyone to be able to acquire a smartphone, a laptop or any other technological equipment. which meet their requirements,
for instance
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, a student living in a rural remote area can
also
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 access the same education online as
the
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a
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 student living in a mega city,
hence
Linking Words
 giving equal
oportunity
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opportunity
 to
both
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 rich and poor. In conclusion,
i
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I
show examples
belive
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believe
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technology
Use synonyms
 does not create a gap in the
sence
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sense
science
 of the status of the person but provides with
opportunity
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the opportunity
an opportunity
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 to be able to
equals
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equal
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,
only
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the only
show examples
differnce
Correct your spelling
difference
 being the rich can afford the expensive product and the common man can access the affordable option,
both
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 being capable to do the task.

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task achievement
Your essay presents both sides of the argument regarding the impact of technology on the gap between rich and poor. However, ensure consistency in your opinion when presenting it. In the introduction, you mention that you lean towards the notion that technology reduces the gap, but your argument achieves this only partially. Strengthen your opinion throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph focuses exclusively on one main idea. Your first paragraph mingles affordability with the notion of superiority, slightly diluting the coherence of your argument. Consider structuring each paragraph more distinctly for improved coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, clearly structured to present and summarize the discussed views.
task achievement
You've selected relevant examples, such as the purchase of smartphones, to illustrate how technology affects economic classes.
coherence cohesion
The concluding paragraph effectively wraps up your perspective, reinforcing your viewpoint that technology offers similar capabilities through both expensive and affordable options.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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