IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The bar chart shows the percentage of adults who were overweight or obese (too fat or much too fat) in one country from 1965 to 2015.

The bar chart shows the percentage of adults who were overweight or obese (too fat or much too fat) in one country from 1965 to 2015.
#bar #percentage #adults #country
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The obese is a rising problem in
nowsdays
Correct your spelling
nowadays
.In
the
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apply
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1965, there are about 46%
adults
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of adults
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 who are overweight.After 10 years, it increased about 3% .The percentage of
obese
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obesity
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is no
Verb problem
has not
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change
Replace the word
changed
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 during these 20 years.There is a rapidly
incease
Correct your spelling
increase
 in 1995.It increased
about
Change preposition
from about
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 10% to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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59%.From 1995 to 2005 ,it
also
Linking Words
 increased about 10% during these 10 years.
Then
Linking Words
 in 2015,there are over 70%
adults
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of adults
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 who are overweight.So
that
Correct word choice
apply
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from 1965 to 2015 ,there are
totally
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total
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 increase
about
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of about
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 30
percentage
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per cent
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.It
show
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shows
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 that we need to pay more attention to the social problem:
Change preposition
of obese
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obese
Replace the word
obesity
show examples
.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalence
  • correlate
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • healthcare costs
  • socioeconomic disparities
  • demographics
  • public health initiatives
  • awareness campaigns
  • dietary habits
  • obesity-related diseases
  • economic pressure
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