IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The given chart shows the causes of land degradation in the earth. The table shows the causes of land degradation. Summarize the key information and make comparisons where relavant.

The given chart shows the causes of land degradation in the earth. The table shows the causes of land degradation. Summarize the key information and make comparisons where relavant.
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The pie chart depicts information about
the
Correct article usage
apply
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land
Use synonyms
degradation
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 across the earth
while
Linking Words
 the table illustrates the
cause
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 of
land
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degradation
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 in three different regions.
Overall
Linking Words
, the primary causes of
land
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degradation
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 in the earth
is
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are
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over-cultivation
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,
deforestaion
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deforestation
, and
over-gazing
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over-grazing
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. The major proportion of
earth
Correct article usage
the earth
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 degraded in Europe because of
deforestation
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. A small proportion of
land
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 is degraded in North America. 35% of
land
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 in the world has been degraded by
over-gazing
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over-grazing
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, and 30% of
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land
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the land
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 has been degraded by
deforestation
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. 28% of
land
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 is
degaded
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degraded
 by
over-cultivation
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are other minor causes of
land
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degradation
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 and only 7% of
land
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 is degraded by those causes. 23% of
land
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 in Europe is degraded, and the major
cause
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 of
land
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degradation
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 is
deforestation
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 because 9.8% of
land
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 is degraded by
deforestation
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. 13% of
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land
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the land
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 is degraded in
Oceania
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 and the primary
cause
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 of
land
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degradation
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 in
Oceania
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 is
over-gazing
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over-grazing
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. In
Oceania
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, 11.3% of
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land
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the land
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 is degraded by
over-gazing
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over-grazing
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 and the percentage of
over-cultivation
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 in
Oceania
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 is 0.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Only 5% of
land
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 is degraded in North America and the primary
cause
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 of
degradation
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 in North America is
over-cultivation
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 which is only 3.3%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words land, degradation, cause, over-cultivation, deforestation, oceania with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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