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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#money #time
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In these materialistic words,
money
Use synonyms
 is considered the most important aspect of activity. Everyone is running here and there to make more and more
money
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. Today, those
people
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 have fewer dates for themselves and their families as their primary inspiration is to get richer day and day after.
However
Linking Words
, I believe
money
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 cannot buy happiness and
health
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. First of all, your
health
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 and happiness are the basic needs of your activity, no matter how old you are they remain the pillar of self-satisfaction.
For example
Linking Words
, we see a lot of poor
people
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 around us who seem to be the happiest, and a lot of rich
people
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 who look very tired, and unhappy.
This
Linking Words
 happiness, we see on poor
people
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's faces is because they did something that made them happy
instead
Linking Words
 of working nonstop every day.
Moreover
Linking Words
, rich folks usually spend much of their lives staying busy with work and cannot build strong friendships to enjoy.
Secondly
Linking Words
, during working hours they tend to forget about their
health
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 and fitness issues and when they get what they want, they mostly don’t have enough energy or time to enjoy the benefits.
For instance
Linking Words
, one recent report said that wealthy
people
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 are more likely to die 5 years earlier than their friends. Since they largely keep their lives confined to their jobs, they don’t even do leisure activities like jogging to stay fit. That shows how important it is to focus on your
health
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 and free time. In the end, free and happy moments are essential for a beautiful and prosperous activity. Even though
money
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 is important your
health
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 and family are more important. Everyone should spend major time of their life to make strong friendship and family.
Submitted by dolgion.zorigoo99 on

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task achievement
Try to provide a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument more explicitly. This ensures that you fully address the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between ideas or paragraphs to enhance logical flow and coherence. This helps readers follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion, effectively engaging the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion neatly summarizes your position and reinforces the main points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, such as the comparison between happy poor people and tired rich people.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • facilitating
  • lifestyle
  • professional development
  • increased stress
  • work-life balance
  • hobbies
  • quality time
  • physical and mental health
  • financial constraints
  • luxury items
  • overall well-being
  • personal growth
  • middle ground
  • sacrificing
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