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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
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Saving
money
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 for the long term is essential for everyone, particularly for young
people
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. In my opinion, I contend that saving
money
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 can bring more positive consequences, as
people
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 will possess useful skills for their future and can have stable financial aspects. They will enhance their capabilities in managing
money
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 and build strong mindsets if they can learn the importance of consistency. In
this
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 way, they can understand more deeply the value of
money
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 since they have to be consistent and patient in saving
money
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 by avoiding any distractions that can potentially restrict them from achieving their goals;
thus
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, they need to manage their budgets properly and set their priorities.
For instance
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, one of my friends has a good skill in
money
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 management since she continuously saves her allowance and allocates her
money
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 fairly by prioritizing her main needs rather than other aspects. Another benefit is that
people
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 can
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their unexpected necessities in the future, which can
also
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 prevent them from having debts. Their savings can be used when they encounter undesired circumstances that require a large amount of
money
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;
hence
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, it will be easier for them to deal with these situations without the risk of being broke. A student,
for example
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, has to pay student loans quickly
due to
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 the demands of his college. Fortunately, he can afford the payment because he has spared his
money
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 since he was in primary school, which is relieving for him because he does not have to borrow funds from other
people
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.
To conclude
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, I consider that saving
money
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 is crucial since individuals can cultivate useful abilities by managing their
money
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 consistently.
Moreover
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, they can enhance their quality of life, as they will rarely face financial issues.
Submitted by hanalyaa29 on

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coherence
Ensure all main ideas are clearly outlined in the introduction. Mention the reasons you're going to discuss.
task achievement
Consider adding more variety to sentence structures to demonstrate higher language proficiency.
coherence
The essay provides a logical structure that is easy to follow. Each paragraph centers on a main idea which is well-developed with examples.
task achievement
The examples are relevant and specific, illustrating the points made effectively.
coherence
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and aligns with the introduction.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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