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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity? AlF

#rise #world’s #population #humanity #time #alf
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The proceeding rise in the
population
Use synonyms
 is the
problem
Use synonyms
 faced by
humanity
Use synonyms
 at the present time. The main
causes
Fix the agreement mistake
cause
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 is that nowadays
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 increasing every single day.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 it is not a big
problem
Use synonyms
 faced by
humanity
Use synonyms
. In the world today there are more problems with ecology.
World’s
Correct article usage
The world’s
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 is getting bigger and bigger, and nature in 5-6 years just could not
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
endure
such
Linking Words
 a
quantity of
Correct word choice
large
show examples
population
Use synonyms
. Today
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every family
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 2-3
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 more
children
Use synonyms
, and it is normal
statics
Correct your spelling
status
show examples
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 somebody
prefer
Change the verb form
prefers
show examples
 to start up more
children
Use synonyms
, about 5-9 kids in one family.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statistic more is observed in Asia countries. In
Kazakhstan
Add a comma
Kazakhstan,
show examples
 if you have more
children
Use synonyms
 and
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
famili
Correct your spelling
family
families
 it is considered good and respectable, because in Kazakhstan how much more your family and how much more you have
children
Use synonyms
 it is considered that there will be more heirs. It is crazy but it is true and mentalities. The continued rise in the world’s
population
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 is not
greatest
Correct article usage
the greatest
show examples
problem
Use synonyms
 faced by
humanity
Use synonyms
. Nowadays , we can
meeting
Change the verb form
meet
be meeting
show examples
 more bigger and
seriously
Change the word
serious
show examples
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in globalisation. If nature
will
Verb problem
is
show examples
 injurious and if it
will continue
Wrong verb form
continues
show examples
,
at the end
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
,
humanity
Use synonyms
 cannot
be existed
Change to the active voice
exist
show examples
. The most global
problem
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 is
contamination
Correct article usage
the contamination
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sea
Change preposition
of sea
show examples
, nature,
water
Correct word choice
and water
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
 shortage
sea
Change preposition
of sea
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Antarctica.
For example
Linking Words
 in India as we know the biggest
population
Use synonyms
 in the world. There are 3-4 billion
people
Use synonyms
 and
minimum
Correct article usage
a minimum
show examples
80
Change preposition
of 80
show examples
-90 million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in one city.
However
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 country has very big problems with globalisation and pollution. Only in Mumbai has amazing buildings and attractions. Pollution
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 disturbs
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 their own comfortable
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Everybody knows that
India
Add a verb
India is
India was
show examples
 famous just because of
the
Change the word
its
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 size.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, aim to logically organize ideas without repeats or gaps. A clearer structure helps in understanding.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to create cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide a balanced argument by exploring both sides more thoroughly.
task achievement
Support your ideas with specific examples and evidence to present a stronger argument.
task achievement
The essay discusses a global issue and attempts to provide viewpoints on the significance and causes.
task achievement
The example about family size in Kazakhstan adds a cultural perspective to the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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