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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary school types between 2000 and 2009.Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. The table shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary school types between 2000 and 2009.Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary school types between 2000 and 2009.Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. The table shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary school types between 2000 and 2009.Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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the given table illustrates the percentage of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 attending four secondary
school
Use synonyms
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 in the first 9 years of the 21st century.
overall
Linking Words
, Most
schools
Use synonyms
withnessed
Correct your spelling
witnessed
 a downward trend in 4 secondary
school
Use synonyms
 types
while
Linking Words
 community
schools
Use synonyms
 saw a dramatic boom. Looking at the graph from a more detailed perspective,specialist
schools
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
showed
show examples
 a slight decrease
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 1% for 5 years to 2009.As for grammar
schools
Use synonyms
, it started at 24% at the beginning of the 21st century, there was a mild decrease
19
Change preposition
of 19
show examples
% and 12% respectively 2005 and 2009. In terms of the number of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 pass , voluntary-controlled
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
is
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 the top
school
Use synonyms
 and occupied about 52% in 2000.But in 2005 and 2009, it witnessed a serious dive ,
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 former it dropped about 38%, the latter it went down
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to just 20%.
Last
Linking Words
 but not
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
least, Community
schools
Use synonyms
initially
Linking Words
 had only 12 but by 2006 it increased to 20% and
finally
Linking Words
 took the top position with 58%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words school, schools with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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