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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table shows the Proportions of Pupils Attending Four Secondary School Types Between Between 2000 and 2009. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. AL

The table shows the Proportions of Pupils Attending Four Secondary School Types Between Between 2000 and 2009. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. AL
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The table shows information about how many pupils
attending
Wrong verb form
attended
show examples
 four secondary school types between 2000 and 2009. There are 4 types of
schools
Use synonyms
. Interesting point
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 community school was the most
attend
Change the form of the verb
attended
show examples
at the end
Linking Words
. The proportion of people in specialist
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 started at 12 per cent in 2000
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
then
Linking Words
 increased twice to 11 and 10
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 in 2009.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 Grammar
schools
Use synonyms
 began at 24 per cent in 2000
after
Correct word choice
and after
show examples
 that it
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 for the next two years
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 12 per cent. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2000 Voluntary controlled
schools
Use synonyms
 hit the peak percentage at 52% of
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, if we look at Community
Schools
Use synonyms
 , it started a the lowest percentage of 12% pupils in the first year.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 point, the proportion increased significantly to 58%

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 91%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words schools with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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