IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that it’s important to spend money on family celebrations (e.g. weddings, birthdays). But others think expensive celebrations are a waste of money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #it’s #money #celebrations #e #g #weddings #birthdays #waste
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In recent years, it has been observed that many people globally prefer to celebrate family
functions
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 in an opulent
way
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.
This
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 trend has sparked a debate: celebrating family
functions
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 by spending a significant amount of
money
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 is a waste of
money
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,
whereas
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 others think these
events
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 hold an important part in their lives and should be celebrated in a grand
way
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before articulating my notion that many family
functions
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 should be celebrated with a limited budget. For many families,
events
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 like weddings, birthdays, etc., are a
way
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 to connect with their
relatives
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 and friends and indulge in celebrating an occasion. In these
events
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, family members come from different cities and spend quality time with
one
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 another.
For instance
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, in Indian marriages, the host family invites their
relatives
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 who live in different cities and with whom they have had no contact for years; these
events
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 help them reunite with their old
relatives
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.
Additionally
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, for many individuals, these celebrations are a
way
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 to show their status in society.
Conversely
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, those who
favor
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favour
show examples
 less expensive celebrations argue that expensive celebrations create an additional financial burden on individuals.
One
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 needs to consider
one
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's financial status before hosting
such
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events
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. If someone's budget is limited, it is better to go for small
events
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, as
this
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 will not create a financial burden on them.
Moreover
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, it is not necessary to follow trends and spend a significant amount of
money
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;
instead
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, it should be saved for future purposes like education and home purchases. In conclusion, I would say that family
functions
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 are a
way
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 to connect with
relatives
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 and friends and to show society
one
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's status, but we need to consider the financial aspect as well; spending a significant amount of
money
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 is not necessary and should be saved for future purposes.
Submitted by reachsourav.32 on

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content
Work on providing a more balanced discussion that clearly presents both sides of the argument. Your essay tends to lean slightly towards opposing expensive celebrations without equally expanding on the benefits of such celebrations.
content
Try to elaborate more clearly on each main point with additional examples or evidence to support your claims. This will help improve your task response and coherence.
structure
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which are necessary components of a well-structured argument.
examples
Some relevant examples, such as the Indian marriages example, are well used to illustrate points, helping the reader understand the idea being conveyed.
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