IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many teenagers have their own smartphones. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

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Many adolescents have their own
smartphones
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 having a smart device sometimes consumes their precious
time
Use synonyms
 because they spend a lot of
time
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 on their
smartphones
Use synonyms
, I personally believe that having
smartphones
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 actually ensures their protection when they are in
danger
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. Some people argue that teenagers should not have their own smart devices because they spend a lot of their valuable
time
Use synonyms
 on their smart devices. They become involved in various activities
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online,
such
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 as chatting with their friends, playing video games, and endlessly scrolling social media. These activities consume a significant amount of their
time
Use synonyms
 in a day.
As a result
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, they cannot find
time
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 for study and other types of productivity.
For example
Linking Words
, in the USA, adolescents spend around 6 to 7 hours a day on their
smartphones
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. If they invest that
time
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 in their studies, their academic performance would have been improved.
However
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, I personally believe that
smartphones
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 protect them if they carry them all the
time
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 because they can call their
parents
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 or the
police
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 if they are in
danger
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.
Smartphones
Use synonyms
 can protect adolescents. If they can carry
smartphones
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 with them when they are inside or outside of their homes, they can protect themselves from any harm. They can call the
police
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 to seek help or inform their
parents
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 about the
danger
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the UK, in 2020, some criminals attempted to abduct a
14-years-old
Correct your spelling
14-year-old
 boy,
while
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 he was returning from school
by
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on
show examples
walk
Correct article usage
a walk
show examples
. When he was with the criminals, he tactfully messaged his
parents
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 his whereabouts, and his
parents
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immediatly
Correct your spelling
immediately
dialed
Change the spelling
dialled
show examples
tripple
Correct your spelling
triple
 zero to call the
police
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, which assisted the
police
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to reach
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in reaching
show examples
 the spot
immedietely
Correct your spelling
immediately
 and rescue the boy.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that if teenage children have smart devices with them, they can make the best use of them when they are in
danger
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. In conclusion, I personally believe that
while
Linking Words
 teenagers spend a lot of their valuable
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
smartphones
Use synonyms
, having a smartphone has more benefits than drawbacks because it is really useful for them when they are in
danger
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Consider balancing the arguments for both advantages and disadvantages more evenly to provide a complete perspective.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next; use more linking words to enhance flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and strong conclusion, both clearly aligning with the main argument.
task achievement
There is a strong use of specific examples, such as the UK abduction case, which effectively supports the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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