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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to s3x and age. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to s3x and age. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
The given table charts provide information about the genres of
albums
Use synonyms
, which the British population prefer to buy based on their gender and 4
age
Use synonyms
 groups.
Overall
Linking Words
, males consumed the highest percentage of
people
Use synonyms
, who buy
pop
Use synonyms
, rock and classical
music
Use synonyms
albums
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
 prefer
pop
Use synonyms
 and rock
music
Use synonyms
 more than classical
music
Use synonyms
,
in contrast
Linking Words
 to elderly
people
Use synonyms
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
, who purchased
pop
Use synonyms
music
Use synonyms
albums
Use synonyms
 in the old from 16 to 24 is about 30%,
while
Linking Words
 in the 25-34
age
Use synonyms
 group, it is more than 30%, approximately 33%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the number of buyers of
pop
Use synonyms
 musical
albums
Use synonyms
 from 35 to 44 years old is about 25%,
in contrast
Linking Words
, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 over 45 is only 10%.
In addition
Linking Words
, nearly the same percentages occur the
people
Use synonyms
, who buy rock
music
Use synonyms
. The number of
people
Use synonyms
 in the 16-24 and 35-44
age
Use synonyms
 groups, who buy classical
music
Use synonyms
albums
Use synonyms
 is less than 5%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the percentage of buyers of classical
music
Use synonyms
albums
Use synonyms
 in the 25-34 and over 45
age
Use synonyms
 groups are about 15% and 20% respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words albums, age, people, pop, music with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph representation
  • categorized
  • predominant
  • disparities
  • similarities
  • age-related preferences
  • noticeable trends
  • age brackets
  • wider appeal
  • demographics
  • speculate
  • resurgence
  • vinyl records
  • digital streaming
  • music genres
  • albums purchases
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