IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend.Do you agree or disagree?

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The health problems caused by over-working have
became
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become
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 a hotly discussed topic. Some people suggest that the balance between work and rest should be adjusted, and the workers deserve a properly extended
weekend
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. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion. Decreasing the working hours is an effective solution to prevent overstrain. Even though more people are working in indoor environments nowadays, the exhaustion caused by long shifts remains significant.
According to
Linking Words
 some scientific literature,
Correct your spelling
overworking
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over-working
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overworking
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 is one of the main reasons that contributes to the depression of
Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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employees.
Therefore
Linking Words
, extending the
weekend
Use synonyms
 so that workers are allowed to have a better rest is a directed solution targeting
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a longer
weekend
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 is inclined to have positive impacts on workers’ mental health. A better work-life balance condition would allow the
Correct your spelling
working class
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working-class
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working class
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 to have more personal time.
Thus
Linking Words
, they could
spent
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spend
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 time on leisure
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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activity
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activities
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 and relaxation.
This
Linking Words
 would effectively
reduced
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reduce
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Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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work-related stress,
and
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apply
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,
therefore
Linking Words
,
Wrong verb form
lead
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leading
Wrong verb form
lead
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 to
improve
Wrong verb form
improved
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 mental well-being.
However
Linking Words
, I would suggest that a portion of workers should stay on duty,
such
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 as doctors, police officers and firefighters because
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are responsible
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for
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on
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for
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 dealing with emergencies. For
this
Linking Words
 population with specialised duties, a more flexible working arrangement should be implemented. In conclusion, a longer
weekend
Use synonyms
 would benefit
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workers’
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worker’s
Fix the agreement mistake
workers’
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 mental health and reduce the risk of extreme exhaustion.
However
Linking Words
, for those responsible for urgent situations, a more flexible working system should be applied.

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language
Ensure consistency in verb tenses, e.g., use 'have become' instead of 'have became.'
content
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument, such as citing studies or statistics if possible.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
content
Main points are well-organized and supported with reasonable arguments.
critical thinking
The writer acknowledges possible exceptions and suggests solutions, which demonstrates the ability to consider various aspects of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
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