IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that sport competitions are a source of emotional stress for young people. Therefore, youth should be banned from participating in sport competitions. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
According to
Linking Words
 some,
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 competitions
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
show examples
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
show examples
 emotional stress for teenagers and adolescents.
Thus
Linking Words
, they should not be allowed to participate in these activities. Competing in competitions comes with great benefits. I disagree with the statement and believe that it helps young people to have
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
discipline
Use synonyms
 and learn to handle anxiety. It is a well-known fact that competing takes a lot of effort and practice. It is not only about
Correct your spelling
hard work
show examples
hard-work
Correct your spelling
hard work
show examples
 but it is
also
Linking Words
 about
discipline
Use synonyms
. In terms of preparing, you are
also
Linking Words
 learning to have
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
self
Add a hyphen
self-discipline
show examples
discipline
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, to win a swimming tournament, one has to wake up really early
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. To
elobrate
Correct your spelling
elaborate
celebrate
, a swimmer's school schedule and swimming practice must go hand in hand. So,
this
Linking Words
 way a sense of
discipline
Use synonyms
 grows.
In addition
Linking Words
, these tournaments can be stressful and there is losing as much as winning. Participating makes
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers learn how to handle
this
Linking Words
 kind of pressure and anxiety.
For example
Linking Words
, I used to play in a volleyball team. Our team captain was crazy about winning the game, making us feel
Replace the word
stressed
show examples
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
show examples
while
Linking Words
 playing.
However
Linking Words
, as
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time passed I learned how to handle it and focus on my work. In conclusion, even though competitions are stressful, they are beneficial for
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers. It leads to
discipline
Use synonyms
 and helps them to feel calm when they are
Correct your spelling
under pressure
show examples
underpressure
Correct your spelling
under pressure
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your points more effectively. This will enhance the reader's understanding and engagement with your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, and that transitions between ideas and paragraphs are smooth for better coherence.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on ideas further to increase the richness and depth of your explanations, which will make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
You presented a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your argument effectively.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear stance on the topic, which is consistently maintained throughout.
task achievement
You used personal experience as an example, which adds authenticity to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional resilience
  • teamwork and leadership skills
  • self-esteem
  • perseverance
  • emotional stress
  • coping with pressure
  • physical health
  • obesity
  • support systems
  • balanced approach
  • life skills
  • academic pressures
  • adversity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: